


Muppets & Firefly Tonight

by BitterSweetTeller



Category: Firefly, Muppets Tonight
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Humor, Muppets show level suggestive content, Parody, Plenty of Firefly Characters, Plenty of Muppets Tonight Characters, Post-Time Skip, Science Fiction, Some Surprise Foes, Time Travel, epilogue included, quite a bit of action, some drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterSweetTeller/pseuds/BitterSweetTeller
Summary: Badger has the weirdest time travel job for Mal yet, and it leads to the Muppets Tonight studio. But, not everything is as it seems. And, there's going to be a crazy team up tonight with the Muppets tonight. Here come the Muppets and Firefly Tonight!
Relationships: Hoban "Wash" Washburne/Zoe Washburne, Malcolm Reynolds/Inara Serra, Surprise Pairings - Relationship





	1. Teaser: Guaranteed Whackier Fun Coming

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen or read much of the Muppets or Firefly before reading this fanfiction, that's ok. This is at heart a parody what-if on Muppets Tonight.
> 
> It's not meant to be taken entirely seriously. It's just fun with Firefly and Muppet characters(directly from Muppets Tonight and not).
> 
> There are a few spoilers for Muppet Tonight episodes. But, reading them or watching them is not required.

_Teaser_

Just outside the Muppets Tonight studio...

Mal checks, "you sure this is the place for the job, Badger? Faint laugh. This may not be Alliance territory. But, I got a gut feeling this place ain't run by thieves."

Badger laughs some.

They're both out in a side alley, not far from the back door.

Past the studio... The streets of the USA state of California stretch on for miles.

Badger suggests, "Malcolm Reynolds... Of course I am. Have I ever steered you wrong?"

Mal gives him a warning look.

More nervously... Badger asks, "lately?"

Mal faintly laughs.

Mal admits, "no. Guess you ain't have."

Badger deviously smiles.

He adds, "right. 'preciate this from you, Malcolm Reynolds. Ain't could find another brave enough to take this job."

He tips his hat off.

And... He fast walks out of the alley.

Mal warily says, "uh...huh."

Zoe checks with Mal, "so... We ready sir?"

Mal confesses, "I have to admit, Zoe. Sigh. Impersonating a actor that could be my twin in another life and ain't swearing Chinese just to do a job is a mite more crazy than I used to."

Zoe nervously sighs.

She points out, "you ain't the only one. If it ain't were these camouflaged Babylon earwigs Badger gave us, we all would be."

Mal uncomfortably figures, "well... Soon as we do the job and get paid? The sooner we can go back to the Verse in one piece and talk more pretty like ourselves 'gain."

Zoe chuckles a little.

Mal turns around some toward Jayne.

Mal says, "oh, and you can't come in Jayne. Stay out here."

Jayne frustratedly grunts.

He's carrying a knife, Vera, and more from his stash.

He says, "why the ruttin' hell not? Figure this would go a hell a lot quicker if we just...!"

Mal orders, "Jayne? Stay outside. From what Badger told us? We could use all the cover we can to get away and back to the time machine."

Jayne frustratedly grunts.

But... He kind of slowly walks further out in the alley.

He's almost dragging everything in his hands with his head drooped down.

A mile away from the alley...

There's another TV studio door in a brick wall. But... This one is unusual.

It has star sprinkles and a neon sign over it. The crackling run down neon sign just says Time Machine across it in bright yellow.

Over a earwig... Badger all too happily whispers, "everything is set. Just as you planned, Mister."

From the other end... A voice is faintly heard, "good. You have done well, Badger."

Meanwhile, in Spamela's dressing room...

Spamela Hamderson asks, "umm, you sure this won't be too much trouble?"

She's lying face down on a table.

And... Saffron is giving her a back massage.

Spamela relaxedly sighs and giggles.

Saffron insists, "no, no. Please. You've worked so hard as a lifeguard on Bay of Pigswatch. All this worky-worky. Faint laugh. You deserve a night out with your hubby."

Spamela giggles.

Spamela says, "well... I'm hoping to get lucky. But, David Hoggselhoff is always hitting his head on something on the beach. Light sigh. What a guy!"

Saffron glances out from the somewhat open door.

She sees Andy and Randy pig ramming their heads together across from Spamela's dressing room.

Saffron annoyedly rolls her eyes to herself.

Under her breath... Saffron comments, "no wonder Miss Piggy didn't envy you."

Spamela asks, "what?"

She kind of quickly turns to face Saffron.

Saffron makes a nervous face.

She blatantly lies, "I mean...no wonder Miss Piggy would rather have you on Bay of Pigswatch. You're much better at being a lifeguard."

Spamela giggles.

She says, "ohh. Thank you, Yolanda. I feel better."

Saffron says, "sure."

They both smile some.

Spamela turns back to a facing down position.

Saffron continues her back massage.

Saffron whispers, "but, she's too proud to admit it. It's just between us girls."

Spamela says, "ohh. What does between us mean?"

Saffron moderately sighs.

Saffron explains, "I mean let's keep it a secret."

Spamela says, "ohh. Now I get it."

Spamela relaxedly giggles.

Saffron deviously grins to herself.

And... She thinks to herself:

_Stealing from the Muppets all by myself?_

_Chuckle._

_This is going to be a cake walk._

Soon, from a movie theater entrance...

The intro for the newly broadcasting episode of Muppets Tonight starts up.

Kermit announces, "and tonight is our very special guests from 2003: The main cast of Firefly!"

River whispers, "boo!"

She imitates a ghost from behind Kermit.

Kermit goes, "ah!"

He ducks and covers.

He peeks out from his fingers.

River apologizes, "sorry. Just having a little bratty fun. Will help you up."

She nervously smiles at Kermit.

Kermit lightly says, "oh. Oh good."

They both smile to each other.

River helps him up.

Kermit says, "thanks."

Suddenly... A crowd of Muppets eager to watch the show rush through the door.

River quickly carries Kermit out of the way.

Then... She puts him back down.

River says, "now you're welcome."

Suddenly... River gives a funny look and head tilt toward the entrance.

Kermit wonders, "what? Do you hear something?"

River bluntly brings up, "do you always let yourself be trampled on in the intro? Not healthy."

She looks concerned for Kermit.

Kermit adds, "huh. You know, Summer? You have a point. I should speak to the writers about it."

River smiles like it's obvious.

She quickly goes, "hm-hmm."

Kermit smiles back.

And... River thinks to herself:

**Summer? Not Summer?**

**Giggle.**

**Not like he thinks. Not me. But...**

**Giggle.**

**She wants to be normal girl. Refrigerator rooms close to it.**


	2. Act I, Part 1: Muppets Meet Firefly

_Act I, Part 1:_

In the Muppets Tonight studio...

Kermit and River are walking down the hall for the dressing rooms.

They're casually holding hands.

Kermit can't help but wonder, "wait. Who's...?"

Saffron is walking past them, wearing Spamela's lifeguard costume.

With some mixed feelings... River figures, "oh, don't worry. Subplot. The writers."

In light of what she's been thinking lately... She tries hard not to glare at Saffron.

Kermit lightly shrugs.

He says, "oh. Okay. You want to meet the other Muppets?"

River smiles.

She figures, "yes. Want to meet all of you. But, I get a dance number in the end."

Kermit lightly says, "sure! Sure. Why not?"

River giggles some.

They continue walking toward the backroom of the studio.

Meanwhile, outside the Muppets Tonight studio...

Spamela Hamderson and David Hoggselhoff are walking down the alley, arm in arm.

David Hoggselhoff figures, "Spamela? I love you and this kind of suspicious newfound time. But, what's that guy doing with that knife and...?!"

Cluelessly... Spamela figures, "oh, him? Giggle. Saffron says he's just a guard for the studio across the way. And, if you can't trust a complete stranger who offers to temporarily replace you on a TV sketch, who can you trust?"

All too lightly... David Hoggselhoff says, "ohh. Then let's go, Spamela. We're pigging out and tanning!"

Spamela giggles.

She lets David Hoggselhoff lead the way down the street.

They're heading for a fancy red car.

The car soon drives away.

Jayne looks confused in their direction.

Jayne thinks out loud, "were that talking pigs leaving the...? Sigh. Nah. Probably just getting hungry."

He spits some on his knife to crudely clean it.

Meanwhile...

Miss Piggy notices Saffron walking by her dressing room.

Miss Piggy grrs to herself.

She thinks out loud, "oh no you don't, Saffron. I already got upstaged by Whoopi before the closing number on a episode of Muppets Tonight: I'm not letting it happen this time!"

She hurriedly pulls out her lifeguard costume.

She calls out, "makeup! Hair designers! Now!"

Makeup and hair designer Muppets rush over to her to help her with her hair and makeup.

Around then, on the central stage of Muppets Tonight...

Clifford says, "welcome to Muppets Tonight. The show that has everyone saying..."

Suddenly... A lot of bleeps go off from the back room.

Clifford nervously says, "um...just a minute, fellows."

The live studio audience of Muppets has been reactively covering their ears from all the bleeps.

Clifford rushes to the back room.

Clifford calls out, "what the hell is going on back there?!"

Nigel nervously reveals, "well... Well, we have to keep our PG ratings. Or, we'll get the plug pulled."

Clifford realizes, "ohh."

Clifford looks suspicious.

He asks, "why? What experiment did Beaker and Doctor Honeydew release this time?"

Nigel explains, "no. Just Nathan, Gina, and Morena have been arguing loudly backstage. They were waving some earwigs around and swearing in Chinese."

The view cuts over past some live cameras...to Mal, Inara, and Zoe looking very frustrated with each other.

Clifford nervously sighs.

He figures to Nigel, "I don't even want to know, man. Later."

Clifford starts his way back to the central stage.

Clifford calls out, "yo, Morena! Nathan! Cut it out, or I'll be out of a job!"

Inara deeply sighs some. Mal heavily sighs.

Zoe and Wash smirk some to themselves.

Inara and Mal reluctantly say, "fine."

More lightly... Clifford just says, "all right then."

Around then, in Statler and Waldorf's living room...

Statler and Waldorf are sitting on their comfy chairs in front of the TV.

They look wide eyed at the intro for the Muppets Tonight episode being broadcast on their TV.

Statler says, "huh. You mean this show may actually be..."

Waldorf asks, "getting good?"

They look shocked toward each other.

After a bit... Statler remarks, "no: I think it's the star sparkles on the Doctor Who and Sin City knock off doors."

They both look real amused.

Waldorf briefly points over to Statler.

They both laugh hard.

Suddenly... Book says, "oh, I have faith in them."

He turns out to be sitting on a third comfy chair in the room.

He smiles knowingly to himself.

Statler and Waldorf look shocked toward him.

At the same time... They both say, "what show have you been watching?"

Book kind of cryptically says, "let's just say I've always been trying to help Malcolm Reynolds's crew along their way."

At the same time... Statler and Waldorf say, "huh."

After a bit... Waldorf remarks, "too bad Muppets Tonight doesn't have you on their stage crew. Their show has been so far down, not even juggling geese could keep it up."

Statler and Waldorf both laugh hard.

Book shakes his head in slight annoyance.

Around then, back in the back room...

Nigel figures, "well...I guess I shouldn't tell Clifford who ate all the snacks."

Somewhat nervously... Kaylee says, "hey! The crew has a tight schedule with this time traveling job. But, I still said me and Wash were sorry to try to help you feel better."

Kermit asks, "wait a second: Time travel? What's going...?!"

Kaylee is about to say something.

But... River gives her a okay sign with her hand.

River tries to assure Kermit, "if you read the script? Wouldn't ask. Faint giggle. Right in front of you. Crossed over."

Kaylee tries hard not to laugh at the last part.

Kermit kind of warily says, "ok...ay."

Nigel explains to Kaylee, "ohh. Well, thank you for trying. But, we're always on a tight budget. It's hard. You know?"

Kaylee figures, "yeah: I understand. Slight giggle. But..."

Nigel kind of nervously asks, "what?"

Kaylee brings up, "me and River might even time travel back with more snacks for the studio."

She and River smile.

Suddenly... A metal cart of Firefly themed cupcakes and brownies appears.

And... Another Kaylee and another River speed off in lightning blurs.

They speed right past Gonzo.

Gonzo looks wide eyed.

He lightly says, "cool!"

River giggles a little at that: Having overheard him.

Suddenly... Someone grabs Gonzo from behind.

He goes, "ah!"

Just as quick... He's gone from sight in the hall.

Nigel and Kermit look wide eyed at the metal cart.

At the same time... Nigel and Kermit go, "wow."

Nigel says, "all is all right now. Thank you!"

Kaylee adds, "you're welcome."

River, Kaylee, Nigel, and Kermit smile wide.

Nigel tells one of the assistant Muppets to roll the cart out to the lobby.

The assistant Muppet rolls out the cart without even questioning it.

Kermit reflects, "oh my gosh: That's amazing! But, how did you...?"

River stretches some from behind herself. But, she looks amused still.

Kaylee laughs some.

Kaylee awkwardly says, "well...time travel. Limited in the episode's script. But, still..."

Suddenly... From under one of the backstage monitors... Simon calls out, "can I come out now? You said you'd tell me when the coast is clear for me from the time paradox."

Kaylee and River laugh hard a little.

Kaylee lightly says, "well Simon? You can come out now!"

Simon starts getting back up, away from the backstage monitors.

He awkwardly smiles.

Simon says, "thanks Kaylee. It was getting cramped down there."

Kaylee, River, Kermit, and Nigel smile a little.

Around then, back on the central stage...

Clifford, "anyhoo... Let's say hello to our special guest stars Nathan, Morena, Alan, Gina, Sean, Jewel, Summer, and..."

Mal, Inara, Zoe, and Wash wave and smile on stage.

Kaylee, Simon, and River soon join them on stage.

Simon is very awkwardly trying hard not to question out loud why everyone in the audience is Muppets. His scientific mind just can't wrap his head around it.

He, Kaylee, and River wave and smile to the live studio audience.

Mal and Inara wave and smile some more.

The live studio audience is getting really excited now.

Suddenly... Clifford looks suspicious.

He says, "wait a minute."

Wash whispers, "we're dead: Dead in the water next to the glittery..."

Zoe whispers back, "shh!"

Clifford asks, "where is Adam and Ron?"

Mal, Inara, Zoe, Wash, Kaylee, and Simon make nervous faces.

Mal awkwardly says, "umm..."

Simon awkwardly says, "well..."

Simon awkwardly runs his hand in his hair some.

All too casually... Mal kind of cryptically says, "well, you know Adam. Always up to some trouble. Don't worry. We'll find him soon."

Clifford looks wide eyed.

He says, "that's...surprisingly good enough. What of Ron though?"

Inara kind of cryptically suggests, "Ron couldn't reschedule a...a reunion with some of his old classmates. Yeah. I remember now. They have a nice mansion with that balcony and..."

She's also nervously playing with her hands some.

Mal, Zoe, Wash, and Kaylee nervously say, "yeah. That's...that's it."

River is laughing hard, doubling over.

Inara tries to assure, "he said though he'd be sure to tape it, if that helps."

Clifford smirks.

He comments, "well, what do you know? A fan of Muppets Tonight from the start. That's a first from our guest stars."

Everyone very awkwardly laughs and chuckles some on that last part.


	3. Act 1, Part 2: Bay of Pigswatch

_Act I, Part 2_

Soon, on the live broadcast of Muppets Tonight...

Bay of Pigswatch comes up.

The announcer says, "Bay of Pigswatch! Starring David Hoggselhoff as... Where did he go?"

The name comes across the screen. But, there's just crashing waves and a whistle behind it.

The current full opening credits for David Hoggselhoff says:

Starring David Hoggselhoff as Where Did He Go?

A familiar figure whizzes by to take the whistle before it can get washed away.

Then... Miss Piggy shows up in her red bathing suit.

She's also got a lot of eyeliner and blush.

The full opening credits for Miss Piggy says:

Miss Piggy as herself.

She deviously smiles.

All too lightly... She calls out, "oh Saffron... I've got a hi-yah in my foot for you!"

Then... Saffron shows up in Spamela's lifeguard outfit and light green jacket.

Spamela's clothes have bizarrely gone from being Muppet sized to human sized.

Saffron is posing with a arm behind her and making a kissy face toward the screen.

Saffron smirks wide.

She calls back, "I can kick you harder!"

Miss Piggy glares in her direction.

She has her fists up.

The full opening credits for Spamela Hamderson and for Donnie and Art C. Shell play on.

Andy and Randy Pig run up to the camera, hit their heads on the camera, and fall down.

Miss Piggy says, "well... We'll just see about that, miss London Bridget!"

Miss Piggy goes after Saffron.

They both run off screen.

Just as quick... Bay of Pigswatch focuses the camera back to them anyway.

Saffron is sitting in the observatory post.

She's lying down on a white and red lined beach recliner there.

She's also got David Hoggselhoff's whistle around her neck.

Miss Piggy looks slightly stunned.

She asks, "how did you...?!"

Saffron shrugs.

She comments, "I'm really hot and really good. Got David Hoggselhoff's job and two boys to worship me..."

Randy and Andy rush over to Saffron.

Randy tells her, "here's your lemonade, my queen."

He hands her a glass of lemonade.

Saffron drinks some of her lemonade.

Saffron says, "aw. How sweet."

She leans over to Randy's hand and Andy's hand.

She kisses each of their hands.

Randy and Andy make excited noises.

Andy tells Saffron, "oh. And, here's your feet massage."

He pulls out some boxing gloves.

He starts punching the bottom of Saffron's feet.

Saffron thinks out loud, "oh! Oh yeah! Those are the spots. Thank you."

She relaxedly laughs.

Miss Piggy looks shocked by all of this.

Miss Piggy wonders, "so... You're not trying to upstage me?"

Saffron drinks a little of her lemonade.

She kind of cryptically goes, "no, no. I wouldn't stop myself from having the easiest part to play."

She scoots over some.

She says, "oh Randy? There's room for you now."

Saffron pats on a spot on the recliner.

Randy happily says, "gosh! Thanks, my queen."

He lies down next to Saffron.

Randy relaxedly sighs.

Andy kind of nervously says, "hey! What about me?"

Saffron says, "when I say you're done with my feet? You'll have your turn."

Andy just says, "okay, my queen."

He keeps boxing the bottom of Saffron's feet.

Saffron keeps relaxedly laughing.

Miss Piggy smiles.

She lightly says, "oh, good. You know, Saffron? Maybe I was wrong about y..."

Saffron plans out, "...having you save all the people and tiring yourself out while I lie down and relax and get all the other guys."

Incredulously... Miss Piggy cries out, "what?!"

Almost as if on cue... Pepe, Seymour, Rizzo, Snorty, Captain Pighead have just gathered around Saffron.

They're all smirking toward her.

Rizzo twistedly remarks, "normally I'd be a mocker first. But wow: I have to say you're on fire, Saffron."

Pepe says, "yes. And, Saffron? You are looking lovely tonight, okay?"

Saffron smiles all too happily.

She says, "aww. I'm glad you all think so."

Miss Piggy glares tensely with her hands on her hips.

All too casually... Saffron waves a hand.

She says, "well, you know... The show must go on."

Rizzo laughs.

Pepe says, "good one!"

Saffron high fives Pepe and Rizzo.

All too casually... Saffron adds, "any time, Pepe and Rizzo."

Miss Piggy angrily mutters, "why I...! You...you Miss Hilton!! I'm going to get you after this bit!!"

Saffron, Rizzo, and Pepe laugh hard.

Calls of help are heard across the beach.

Miss Piggy calls to them, "all right, all right! I'm coming!"

She rushes down the beach to save people offscreen.

Seymour moves aside to talk to Pepe.

Seymour asks, "Pepe?"

Pepe says, "yes, Seymour?"

Cluelessly... Seymour wonders, "did we go too far?"

Pepe insists, "don't worry about it. It's still playing a bit, okay?"

Seymour sighs in some relief.

He says, "oh. Okay. I feel better now."

The two of them soon return by Saffron.

Randy nervously asks, "Saffron?" Andy nervously asks, "yeah. Saffron?"

Saffron wonders, "what's wrong, boys?"

She's noticed Andy has stopped boxing the bottom of her feet.

Randy brings up, "you sure this job isn't too hard for her?"

Andy brings up, "yeah. We may not always have light bulbs growing in our heads. But, she is still our aunt."

Saffron smiles all too happily.

Just as quick... She tries to assure, "aw. You do care. Don't worry: She paid me to be her new personal trainer because she loves me like a sister."

Randy and Andy lightly go, "ohh. She's lucky."

Saffron finishes her lemonade.

She throws the glass carelessly away.

It shatters offscreen.

Saffron adds, "yes, she is. And, I'm lucky to have such thoughtful boys."

She puts a kind of comforting arm around Randy.

Andy goes back to boxing the bottoms of Saffron's feet.

And... Frustrated cries of Miss Piggy are heard offscreen.

Saffron uses her other hand to blow kisses to Rizzo, Pepe, Andy, Seymour, Snorty, and Captain Pighead.

They mostly just lightly sigh.

Suddenly... Animal starts to charge over.

He excitedly calls out, "woman! Woman!"

Saffron pouts.

She tells him, "sorry handsome. But, as you see? I'm all booked on company tonight."

Animal murmurs, "but...woman."

He starts to frown.

He starts walking away.

Saffron asks, "Rizzo? Pepe? Would you be dears and see that he gets my phone number? I'll be grateful."

She relaxedly laughs.

She deviously smiles.

Snorty and Captain Pighead run off scared from that alone.

Pepe starts to nervously say, "umm..."

Rizzo goes, "for you? All right-ie then! I just hope you know what you're in for. He's a real animal, if you know what..."

Saffron insists, "oh, I understand. But, this girl likes Animal."

She lightly pats Rizzo on the head.

Saffron lightly calls out, "Andy and Randy?! You can switch now."

Andy stops boxing the bottom of her feet.

He says, "umm... Okay Saffron."

Cluelessly... Randy says, "but what switch do you want us to switch off?"

Saffron frustratedly sighs into her free hand.

Rizzo adds, "oh brother."

Pepe shakes his head.

Seymour is about to ask too.

But... Pepe insists, "don't say it Seymour."

Seymour shrugs casually.

He just says, "okay."

Not long after, out along the beach...

Miss Piggy's makeup around her eyes is a blurry mess from rushing around and getting very sweaty lately.

Then... Miss Piggy sees Animal slowly walking away from the observatory post.

Miss Piggy angrily goes, "you too?! Hi-yahh!"

She high kicks Animal off the beach...and right through a sky painted wall of the Pigswatch set.

There's a Animal sized hole in the wall. Some studio lights crackle and fluctuate.

Animal coughs hard. He nervously laughs some.

And... He falls unconscious.


	4. Act II, Part 1: River's Tour, Machines, & More

_Act II, Part 1_

Around then, backstage...

Kermit casually leads River around the studio, meeting more Muppets along the way.

The song The Kid in You by Krystal Harris is playing from River's dressing room.

And... Flashes go by:

Of River tipping off her invisible hat to a smiling Bobo, of River giggling and playing with bubbles coming out of the head of Bill the Bubble Guy, of River trying out some of Pepe's and Seymour's cooking and giving them both a wide smile, of River and Kermit laughing at Fozzie's jokes, of River monkeying around with some of the monkey writers and Kermit looking amused, of River helping Miss Piggy feel better by practicing karate moves to take on Saffron, of Inara knowingly smiling to herself some as she passes them by...and of River and Miss Piggy hugging each other.

Sounding better already... Miss Piggy says, "oh, Summer... I had no idea you're a beautician and a trainer. Thank you."

River and Miss Piggy pull away some.

But... They're smiling wide to each other.

Miss Piggy's makeup is clearly good as new now: Thanks to River.

Kermit looks somewhat nervous. But, he's still smiling.

River tells her, "you're welcome, Miss Piggy. She has a lot of talents."

Miss Piggy confusedly asks, "I beg your pardon?"

But... Kermit points out, "she talks about herself weirdly. But, she doesn't mind pointing it out."

Miss Piggy adds, "oh."

River urges, "go on. Go on. Kick the liar back. She knows you want to."

She and Miss Piggy deviously smile.

All too lightly... Miss Piggy goes, "all right! Oh Saffron? Saffron?!"

She starts to search for Saffron.

Kermit can't help but ask, "you sure this was a good idea, Summer? I never like the idea of anyone getting hurt."

With some mixed feelings... River smiles a little.

River kind of cryptically says, "how long you married her? Magnets. Positive and negative. Knew what you had to deal with off the lily pads. More positive this time."

Sounding better already... Kermit points out, "yeah: Miss Piggy has her good days too. Chuckle. You know? You're very easy to talk to, Summer."

River grins.

She says, "not for all folks. But...thank you. Know many things."

She puts a comforting hand on Kermit's.

Kermit adds, "yep. That you do."

And... They continue to smile knowingly.

Around then, in a undisclosed location...

Gonzo is waking up.

He was knocked out not so long ago.

He nervously asks, "where...where am I?"

He then realizes he's tied up in ropes.

He's in the closet. The lightbulb is on.

Gonzo calls out, "hey! Could you get me out of these ropes?"

And... Saffron tells him, "sorry nosy space blue. But, that won't happen for a while."

She's sitting down, facing him.

She pulls out a crude looking tube like needle.

Gonzo says, "wait, wait! What is that?"

He nervously struggles to get out of his ropes. But, nothing.

Saffron says, "what does it look like? A needle and my payday."

She deviously grins.

She's about to give Gonzo a shot.

But... Gonzo says something first.

Completely unphased... Gonzo goes, "wow. You...you sure your night job as a doctor isn't a good fit for you?"

Saffron looks stunned. She pauses with the tube like needle.

She admits, "kind of cute. But... Getting a sample of your DNA to science back in the Verse will make me rich."

She starts to move the needle toward Gonzo again. But...Gonzo says something first.

Gonzo urges, "you know..."

Saffron annoyedly rolls her eyes.

She asks, "what?"

Completely unphased... Gonzo figures, "you could have just asked."

Saffron looks wide eyed in shock.

Saffron mutters under her breath, "oh god. Now it's not so thrilling."

She moderately sighs into her hands...letting the needle drop and smash on the floor.

Gonzo awkwardly adds, "ok...ay. You're weird. And, I know weird."

Saffron laughs some.

She looks up.

Saffron admits, "you know, if you're trying to get me to like you? The crazy part is it's working."

She smiles some.

Gonzo lightly laughs.

He remarks, "you think I'm crazy now? You should have seen me do the Refined Young Cannonballs."

He smiles.

Saffron laughs hard, almost doubling over.

Saffron figures, "you should tell me more of your acts sometime."

Gonzo lightly adds, "great!"

Suddenly... Saffron makes a awkward face.

Saffron suggests, "I'll get you out of these ropes and let you get back to the Muppets. Please don't tell on me?"

She unties Gonzo on the first part.

Gonzo stretches some. But, he's quick to get up.

Gonzo admits, "are you kidding? Ha ha! I've been run over and lived many times. I just wish the night was crazier."

They both smile wide.

Saffron gets up.

Saffron starts to say, "well, if you wanted to go out? I wouldn't say..."

Gonzo is quick to admit, "sorry Christina. But, I'm married to a chicken."

Saffron tries hard not to laugh.

Saffron realizes, "umm... You mean a live chicken?"

Gonzo confidently answers, "yep. Her name is Camilla."

Saffron's smile quickly fades.

She annoyedly sighs, looking down.

A little teary eyed... She comments, "damn: I'm beat out by a chicken."

Gonzo tries to assure, "h...hey. Don't feel bad. The night is not over yet."

Saffron looks up.

She smiles some.

She puts a kind of comforting hand on his.

She says, "thanks for trying, Gonzo. Still... I hope to see you later. Oh, and...I'm not really Christina. I'm Saffron."

Gonzo smiles wide.

All too lightly... He realizes, "wow! I was just asked out by the treacherous and bodacious Saffron from Firefly. Thank you."

Saffron awkwardly laughs.

Saffron somewhat nervously asks, "so, knowing who I really am... There's still no chance of...?"

She starts to lean down closer to him.

But... Gonzo says something first.

Gonzo somewhat nervously insists, "s...sorry. But, yes: I'm still married."

Saffron kind of slowly pulls her hand away.

Saffron firmly nods.

She reasons, "okay. I just had to ask. I'll still see you later?"

The teariness in Saffron's eyes starts to dry up.

Gonzo says, "sure. If...if you're not too upset with me."

Saffron smiles some.

She mostly assures, "aw. Don't worry about that: I love your kind of weird. But, I won't try to steal you away. That's a lot coming from me, you know."

She's already straightened up.

Gonzo very awkwardly laughs.

Gonzo somewhat lightly adds, "well...thank you. Yeah. Good to know."

Saffron tells him, "you're welcome, space blue dear. I'll see you later."

They wave goodbye.

And, with that... She leaves the closet.

Gonzo smiles some in a knowing way.

After a bit... He leaves the closet...going back to his dressing room.

Around then, onstage...

Machines with laser pointers and vacuums strung together and maniacal laughter. Dim lighting. And, lots of smoke.

Wash calls out, "behind you!"

Zoe lightly calls back, "ain't going to be for long, husband!"

They're firing their light gun pointers.

Laser fast fire hits the Machines.

Zoe side dives at the same time...taking down two of them in one shot.

Wash takes down the third Machine.

And... The Matrix Revolutions movie Machine costumes catch on fire.

A bunch of stage crew Muppets are frantically running around with fire extinguishers, rushing to put out the fire.

Muppets in Machine costumes call to them to hurry.

Cluelessly... Zoe reasons, "well, we stopped the time traveling Alliance Machines. Damn. Faint laugh. Easier than we thought, and we didn't even have to read the scripts."

Wash looks behind him.

He winces at the stage crew Muppets franctically running around.

Fire extinguisher foam is going everywhere behind Wash and Zoe. But, the fires are quickly fading.

Wash tries to point out, "umm, honey... I don't think they're Alliance. They're whacky. But... Nervous sigh. Why do I have this nagging feeling that this was just part of the show?"

Wash points back over to the stage crew Muppets while looking at Zoe.

But... Zoe doesn't take the hint.

She doesn't look amused though.

She darkly remarks, "well, if there was a main hero forming a alliance with machines only for the war to still be left hanging on the credits... Is that your nagging feeling? Because it's mine right now."

She briefly coldly glares toward the camera.

She starts to fast walk off set.

Wash awkwardly says, "no. But, kind of. Make that a second nagging feeling!"

He fast walks after Zoe just to catch up to her.

From the back room...

Rizzo and Clifford have been watching the whole sketch from a monitor.

Clifford looks wide eyed in shock.

Rizzo is quick to assume, "well... Ha ha. Someone has bad memories of working on Matrix sequels."

With some mixed feelings... Clifford figures, "well, no one was happy with them. But, Rizzo..."

Rizzo asks, "what?"

Incredulously... Clifford brings up, "how the hell did they get lasers? Those aren't our props! And, look at how they almost burned us up!!"

He points right to the monitor.

Rizzo implies, "well, they didn't. And, with only one Crazy Ivan shown on Firefly... I'm more surprised they can afford real lasers."

Clifford explains further, "that's what I'm talking about, Rizzo: I'm starting to think they aren't really the actors."

Rizzo casually goes, "hey, hey! So what if they really came back from the 26th century? We should be honored Joss went to a 26th century secret lab to let them have lasers to get our ratings up."

He smiles.

They both see the ratings meter having gone way up.

Clifford shakes his head some.

But... He laughs some.

He smiles wide.

All too lightly... He assumes, "yeah. Yeah! What am I thinking? You're right, Rizzo. We should be honored Joss went to all that trouble for us."

Rizzo concludes, "you're welcome."

Clifford informs, "just tell them to go easy on firing lasers from now on. Our insurance can only afford not so much."

Rizzo adds, "will do, chief."

He lightly laughs some more.

He heads through the back door of the back room.


	5. Act II, Part 2: Miss Piggy's Rematch, A Little Stakeout, & More

_Act II, Part 2_

Around then, offstage...

Wash suggests, "...because call me crazy here. But, I'm getting the feeling they're not the bad guys."

He and Zoe are standing out in the main hall.

A little teary eyed... Zoe considers, "hmm. Ain't want to admit it. But... Sniffle. They ain't even shooting now: They're just putting out our fires."

A little teary eyed... Wash adds, "yeah."

They awkwardly face each other.

After a bit... The teariness in their eyes starts to dry up.

Zoe figures, "we're leaving the insurance bill to Gina and Alan." Wash quickly adds, "yeah."

They both chuckle a little.

They head for their dressing rooms, walking arm in arm.

The view cuts further out down the hall.

Kaylee and Bobo are walking down the hall, holding hands.

Kaylee wonders, "Bobo... Have you ever been on a Firefly?"

Bobo assumes, "wow! You can ride on the back of a firefly? You must be magical."

Kaylee blushes a little.

They both smile wide.

Kaylee tells him, "aw. That's sweet of you to say. But, I'm not talking about bugs. Giggle. I'll show ya."

Bobo figures, "great! It's a date."

They both chuckle.

Simon frustratedly calls out, "oh, come on!!"

He's standing by the elevator door in the main hall. But, Kaylee and Bobo don't even hear him.

Soon, in the back room...

Clifford annoyedly asks, "now what?!"

Rizzo has come back. And, he looks somewhat nervous.

Rizzo concludes, "well Clifford...we have Christina as a surprise guest that impersonated Spamela, bribed her with a date with David Hoggseloff, snuck into our show, and is now in a fight with Miss Piggy."

Clifford looks wide eyed in disbelief.

He goes, "no. Christina?! Ha ha! In real life? She wouldn't hurt a cow or a pig. She's only a double crosser on TV."

All too lightly... Rizzo suggests, "yeah, well... Ha ha! See for yourself chief."

He leads Clifford to the main hall.

And... Clifford looks wide eyed in shock.

Miss Piggy and Saffron are exchanging kicks like crazy.

Andy, Randy, Pepe, Seymour, Sweetums, and Doglion are gathered around to watch.

Andy and Randy are cheering Miss Piggy on.

Clifford realizes, "what the...?! You weren't kidding."

Clifford calls out, "hey! Hey, you two! Break it up!"

Clifford stands in between them with his arms out.

Miss Piggy and Saffron quickly back off some in reaction. But, they're glaring heatedly at each other.

Miss Piggy grrs at Saffron.

Miss Piggy angrily calls out, "moi? She started it!"

She points accusingly at Saffron.

Saffron scoffs.

Saffron mutters back, "oh yes. Blame "me" for giving you more of the spotlight."

She points accusingly at Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy pinpoints, "don't you try to sweet talk me. You made me run around doing your lifeguard duties on Pigswatch!"

She puts her hands on her hips with her arms out.

Clifford says, "hmm. Is that true, Christina?"

Saffron nervously puts a finger over her mouth.

She tries to lie, "well... Umm... Would you believe I'm her personal trainer?"

Clifford slightly glares.

He says, "no."

Miss Piggy declares, "that honor is Summer's anyway. And, I have had enough of your double crossing. Hi-yahh!"

Saffron looks wide eyed in shock on the first part.

And... Miss Piggy high kicks Saffron right through a dressing room door.

A Saffron sized hole is in the door.

Saffron groans hard against the floor of the empty dressing room.

Andy, Randy, Rizzo, Pepe, Seymour, Sweetums, and Doglion wince a little.

Saffron kind of quickly gets back up.

Saffron frustratedly sighs.

She admits, "fine: I'm not really Christina. I'm Saffron. You happy now?!"

Miss Piggy adds, "yes!"

She and Clifford smirk.

Clifford calls out, "Bobo?! Escort this imposter out, please."

Then... Saffron smirks.

She reveals, "only...I'm already ahead of you."

She has pressed a button from her tan tinted mostly gray Personal Cortex Access Device from behind her back.

A ringing is heard.

With most everyone checking their cellular phones? They don't see a fast blur of a familiar face coming.

Animal excitedly says, "woman! Woman!"

Saffron tells him, "yes. Good Animal."

Animal rushes out of the dressing room...carrying Saffron in his arms somehow.

Clifford somewhat nervously calls out, "oh no: Not good! We got to stop them from getting away!"

Miss Piggy adds, "thank you."

Miss Piggy, Sweetums, and Doglion surround Animal and Saffron to try to stop them.

But... Animal escapes through a open area between the two big monsters.

Animal and Saffron vanish from sight.

Clifford and Miss Piggy call out in disbelief, "what?!"

Then... Bobo and Kaylee finally show up.

They've been smiling to each other.

Bobo has his arm around Kaylee as they walk over.

Bobo says, "hey there Clifford. You said you wanted me to escort...someone out?"

And... Everyone else besides Kaylee glares frustratedly at Bobo.

Bobo nervously asks, "why is everyone looking at me like that?"

Around then, in Muppets Labs...

Beaker makes excited me-me-me noises.

There's a big silvery lined mostly dark blue double reel tape machine on a wheeled metal lab table.

The tape machine has plastic corkscrew tubing all over, with bubbling red, black, and green liquid flowing through them. It also has a rustic brown VCR on the bottom: With two antenna sticking out of the front side, and a outline of the word Muppets across the tape flap.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew says, "that's right, Beaker. The Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine is ready for testing. And, if it's successful? You'll have that dreamy hair you've wanted."

Beaker makes more excited me-me-me noises.

From the second hall...

Mal and Simon have been peeking through the door to Muppet Labs.

Inara has been standing in the second hall, keeping a eye out for anyone walking by.

She sees Bill the Bubble Guy walking by and blowing bubbles out from his head.

Inara looks stunned at Bill the Bubble Guy.

In light of the job Badger gave them... She tries hard not to question it.

She smirks some to herself in spite of that.

Mal asks, "well, doctor?"

Simon nervously points out, "I...I'm just really not sure if Badger is right about the Muppets."

They head back to Inara's dressing room. It's just across the way.

Inara crosses her arms. But, she looks very calm.

Inara considers, "well... Do you believe they are good or bad universe warping thieves? Shouldn't it be that simple?"

Simon incredulously exclaims, "they're puppets with no visible hand flaps for hands: Nothing is simple in this studio!!"

Then... The three of them hear quickening footsteps.

Inara starts to mutter, "oh, cr...!"

At a near whisper... Mal calls out, "hide!"

The three of them quickly hide in Inara's dressing room. They stand to the sides of the open door.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew steps out into the hall. He checks around for anyone.

But... He sees no one.

He returns to the Muppets lab. He closes the door behind him.

Mal, Simon, and Inara breathe some sighs of relief.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew giggles a little.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew considers, "perhaps we should skip the first test then, Beaker. Let's go on to the second test: Full video control."

Beaker makes excited me-me-me noises.

He goes further back of the lab to find a blank tape cassette.

Inara sarcastically comments, "great. Now they'll start bringing in ghosts!"

Mal smirks some.

He remarks, "well, figurin' as we ain't even born yet in the 1990's..."

Simon laughs some.

Then... Inara lightly considers, "yes. Faint chuckle. We have nothing to worry about if it's ghosts. Although..."

Mal and Simon ask, "what?"

Inara suggests, "I'm a highly respected Companion with friends in both The Alliance and outside of The Alliance, Mal. Why don't I just go up to Dr. Honeydew and Beaker and ask them?"

Mal starts to ask in concern, "and risk you getting hit by...?"

Simon explains, "you don't understand, captain. Tapes from the Space-Time Mastertape Machine would affect the space-time continuum. Badger didn't tell us it was this dangerous. But, we're all at risk now."

Mal frustratedly sighs.

He mutters, "fine. You win, Inara. But, my god! I hate all these complications!"

Inara chuckles in some mixed feelings.

Inara gives him a slightly amused look.

She points out, "if it helps at all... You're not the only one who doesn't like them all."

And... Before Mal can say something... Inara walks up to the door to the Muppet labs.


	6. Act III, Part 1: Getting Even More Gonzo

_Act III, Part 1_

Inara knocks on the door.

And... Dr. Bunsen Honeydew opens the door.

Mal readies his Liberty Hammer in case.

He and Simon are still standing by the kind of left open door to Inara's dressing room.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew says, "oh! Hello Morena. How can I help you today?"

Inara smiles some.

Inara suggests, "well... I heard some weird voices. Maybe you know more about them?"

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew giggles some.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew excitedly concludes, "our Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine is working! Yes!"

Inara adds, "I'm sorry. Mastertap...?"

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew concludes, "ohh. Of course! You're from the 26th century. And, you're Inara Serra: A highly respectable Companion. Come this way, and I'll show you how this is all possible."

Inara goes wide eyed for a bit.

But... She smiles wide.

She starts to say, "well... That sounds..."

She starts to follow Dr. Bunsen Honeydew into Muppet labs.

Suddenly... Inara's smile starts to fade.

She assumes, "wait: You mean you're responsible for the time machine?"

After hearing that... Mal and Simon fast walk into Muppet Labs.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew considers, "actually... No. Not the one across the studio. But, we experimented with one before. It blew up though."

Beaker murmurs, "sadly blew up."

Unsure... Inara says, "ok...ay."

Mal suggests, "I don't know 'bout you, Inara. But, that sounds suspicious already: Wanting to play god."

He's about to aim his Liberty Hammer at Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

Beaker makes some very unsure me-me-me sounds.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew explains, "well... Nervous laugh. Please don't misunderstand. We only experiment for science and fun: We never try to hurt anyone."

Mal and Inara faintly smile on the last part.

Mal lowers his Liberty Hammer.

Beaker makes some happier me-me-me sounds.

Simon concludes, "that's some assurance...anyway."

Suddenly... They see the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine being rolled out a back door.

And... It's Badger and Mister Niska.

They're laughing loudly too.

Inara and Mal glare heatedly at them.

Inara cries out, "that weasel and that psychotic man!!"

Simon nervously realizes, "Badger knew we wouldn't really want to steal it when we fully knew what it does."

Mal tries to aim his Liberty Hammer at Mister Niska.

But... The back door is already closed.

Mal mutters, "damnit: They're both already out the door!!"

He slams his fist against the door.

He frustratedly sighs.

Then... He moves away from the door.

Everyone in Muppet Labs looks nervous now.

Inara's glare fades.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew realizes, "oh dear! We must get it back from Badger and Niska, or our universe is in deep trouble!"

He also puts his hand over the side of his face.

Beaker makes scared me-me-me noises.

Inara adds, "you don't have to tell us twice. But, we'll need help."

River reveals, "she knows where. Closer than you think. Faint laugh. Jayne there too."

She's just come back from her tour of the Muppet Tonight studios.

Inara nervously questions, "did Jayne just wander off?!"

Simon gulps nervously.

He assumes, "or worse."

Zoe figures, "this studio might be crazy, sir. But, most of these Muppets don't seem to be shooting at us. I'd go with wandering."

Zoe and Wash have just arrived in the hall.

Inara makes a nervous face.

Everyone else smiles some.

Mal tries to assure, "now, now. Could be easy for most us to get lost in this studio 'cause of that Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine. What do you mean, darling?"

He's facing River on the last part.

Wash realizes, "wait! There's a Space-Time machine, and I missed it?"

Wash makes a excited face.

All too lightly... He asks, "Zoe? Can we get one? Please?!"

Zoe and Mal give Wash a warning glare.

Inara, Simon, River, and Beaker try hard not to laugh.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew covers his mouth to muffle some of his giggles.

Wash's excited face quickly fades.

He gulps nervously.

A little teary eyed... River reveals, "the Fiamas know you. Sniffle. Closer than you think. But, not Hands of Blue."

Inara, Simon, Mal, Zoe, and Wash look stunned.

After a bit... Mal asks, "where's little Kaylee?"

Simon gives a annoyed look.

He mutters under his breath, "probably with Bobo. What she sees in him I'll never..."

Mal uncomfortably says, "more than I needed to know, doc. Come on! We're going to the Fiamas. Reckon from River it's our only best chance to protecting space and time from Niska, and we ain't getting another shot at it."

River smiles some knowingly.

Without a second thought... Inara, Simon, Mal, Zoe, Wash, and River start to fast walk for the elevator.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew says, "we'll activate the tracking beacon. We can call you by telephone as soon as we get a fix on our Space-Time radar."

Mal and Inara pause for a bit.

They turn to face him and Beaker.

Mal quickly adds, "thanks. Appreciate that."

He and Inara briefly smile to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker.

Then... Mal and Inara continue to fast walk to the elevator.

Beaker makes excited me-me-me noises.

He and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew smile knowingly to themselves.

Around then...

Gonzo is walking down the main hall.

He's wearing a daredevil helmet that's mostly red and round. He's also wearing his human cannonball outfit.

Saffron says, "hey Gonzo."

Saffron has just come around the corner.

Saffron waves to Gonzo.

She is wearing a red to blue groovy 70's silky dress with a big swirl of purple flowers.

Spamela's lifeguard outfit and jacket is back in Spamela's dressing room. They're also Muppet sized again.

Gonzo says, "hey Saffron."

Suddenly... Gonzo looks wide eyed.

He goes, "wow. You look great! Where are you going?"

Saffron lightly laughs.

They're smiling wide.

Saffron brings up, "aw. Thank you. Why not you first? You're dressed up yourself."

Gonzo adds, "well, thank you."

Gonzo concludes, "oh! I was planning to shoot myself out of a cannon. But... You want to try cannonball racing?"

Gonzo gets out another daredevil helmet and some bungee cords from who knows where.

Saffron considers, "hmm. Go on. Tell me what it is first."

Gonzo explains, "well, it's human cannonball racing. We each get a wheeled cannon. We tie these bungee cords in the cannons and to our waists. We keep shooting ourselves out of cannons for momentum. And, whoever gets to the other side of the city first wins."

All too lightly... Saffron says, "cool! Let's go racing."

Gonzo adds, "all right-ie!"

Saffron laughs some.

Gonzo asks, "you're coming back to visit?"

Saffron reasons, "I'd love to visit you. With or without the chickens. And, Miss Piggy is happy with her "little" defeat of me. So..."

They both awkwardly smile on the last part.

They start to walk down the hall, casually holding hands.

Gonzo considers, "well, of course there'll be live chickens. I have a lot of chicken friends."

Gonzo and Saffron laugh some.

Saffron responds, "all right. For you? I'll try to behave myself around them all."

Gonzo deduces, "good. Cool."

They smile wide to each other.

Saffron concludes, "and...you don't mind if Animal tags along with me. Right?"

Gonzo figures, "no. I don't mind. Why would...?"

Saffron explains, "well, good. I promised to go out with him tonight. Got all dressed up for him. Laugh. Not that he was asking me to. But..."

Gonzo realizes, "wow. And... And yet you asked me out knowing that you already...?"

Completely unphased... Saffron plans out, "well... Tuesday night is Pepe, Thursday night is Rizzo, Animal gets most of my nights... God! I love being me."

She happily grins.

Gonzo awkwardly remarks, "wow. You...you got a entire Verse of crazy in you."

Saffron says, "I know. I love crazy."

Saffron relaxedly laughs.

Gonzo awkwardly laughs.

Saffron wonders, "you have room for a third contestant in our race?"

She also plays with her hands a little.

Gonzo lightly adds, "sure!"

Suddenly... Animal excitedly calls out, "woman! Woman!"

He's just come around the corner of the hall.

Animal starts to charge after her.

Just as quick... Saffron puts up a finger.

She also smiles wide.

Interestingly... Animal doesn't charge then.

Saffron concludes, "for our first stop tonight? Gonzo is driving us to a race. We'll have the back seats of his car to ourselves on the way. After the race? It's just the two of us tonight."

Animal grins.

He just says, "okay. Saffron!"

Saffron lightly laughs.

Gonzo awkwardly laughs.

Saffron uses her free hand to lead Animal by the hand through the back door of the Muppets Studio.

Gonzo is casually holding Saffron's other hand. He's still by her side.

All three of them head out the back door...leaving the Muppet Tonights studio for the night.


	7. Act III, Part 2: Revelations & Firefly Fireflies

_Act III, Part 2_

Around then, in the back room...

Clifford says, "oh, man! Rizzo! Where are our guest stars?"

Rizzo nervously hints, "well... You're really not going to like this, Clifford."

Clifford insists, "just tell me, man. We got a show to do!"

Rizzo highlights, "okay. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker's Space-Time Mastertape Machine was stolen by the real Badger and the real Niska. Mal and his crew from the 26th century have been impersonating our guest stars because of some crazy job Badger gave them and a time machine. So, our only hope of saving space and time is to let them do the impossible to save us all by going after Badger and Niska."

With some mixed feelings... Clifford concludes, "well... Moderate sigh. The universe should come first. But, what about our show?"

Rizzo points out, "well, with all the budget cuts in advance for guest star bookings for this episode? We only have one sketch ready to go that doesn't star them. The Firefly Fireflies."

Clifford looks wide eyed in disbelief.

He remarks, "you're kidding: That's cheap even for us!"

Rizzo points out, "well... Moderate sigh. It was the network's idea to book the Firefly cast as our last chance to save this show. If this episode goes, so does our show. We don't really have a choice, chief."

Clifford moderately sighs into his hand.

Then... He looks up.

Clifford concludes, "fine! Put them on. But, I'm going to call up Malcolm Reynolds's crew A.S.A.P. I mean, they can't all be out there saving the universe."

Rizzo adds, "well... Nervous laugh. Yeah. Best of luck with that."

Clifford goes to find Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker so he can find out how to make a call to Malcolm Reynolds's crew.

Nigel hurriedly calls out, "what are you waiting for? Cue the Firefly Fireflies!"

A backstage Muppet hurriedly flips a switch at a console.

Onstage...

The background is a night sky. Some trees and grass props are there too.

Then... Gray, brown, and black fireflies start buzzing around.

They're dancing around to form a dotted picture of the ship Serenity.

But... Just as they're about to finish... There's tiny whooing and punching sounds.

There's little calls among the Firefly Fireflies, "no, she's my mate! No, he's my mate!"

The dotted picture turns into a gray, brown, and black mess of a column of dots.

Suddenly... The Muppet monster called Carl comes on stage.

All too casually... Carl goes, "ohh. Dinner!"

He tries to grab the Firefly Fireflies. But, they're too fast for him.

The Firefly Fireflies make tiny scared sounds.

They spread out...unintentionally making random Chinese symbols in the sky.

In trying to grab some of the Firefly Fireflies... Carl accidentally smashes a camera.

Sparks fly from it. A fire starts.

From offscreen... Rizzo frustratedly calls out, "Carl! Oh no. Hurry, guys!"

Stage crew Muppets frantically run around with fire extinguishers to put out the fire.

Around then, in Muppet Labs...

Clifford is on his cellular phone.

Some frustrated sounds are coming from the other end of the private line.

Over his cellular phone... Clifford realizes, "yes. I know saving the universe is important. But..."

Clifford annoyedly says, "so what if your show was really broadcast from 2002 to 2003? We got time machines. No one is that nit picky!"

Clifford frustratedly sighs.

He goes on, "oh come on! Do you all really have to be saving the universe? We the Muppets may know you're not really the actors. But, your fans don't know that. We should be there for them! We still got a show to do!"

There's both calm and tense sounds heard over the cellular phone.

Then... A familiar voice is heard from the other end of the cellular phone.

On the other end of the cellular phone... Inara says, "hello Clifford. Sorry about Mal giving you a hard time. I just took the phone from him. Faint nervous chuckle. I'm coming back soon. What did you have in mind for me?"

Clifford smiles.

He says, "well... Chuckle. That's better. All right, Inara! Glad you could help us out."

Inara adds, "you're welcome. I know how stressful running a network TV show can be."

Clifford adds, "man, is it ever. But, thank you."

Inara adds, "you're welcome."

She continues, "River also has a strong feeling we'll all be there for the closing number. I hope that helps too."

More lightly... Clifford says, "yeah! Yes, it does. Great! We'll see you soon."

At the Fiamas's house, in the living room...

Lightly... Mama Fiama tells Inara, "you can take my car, dear!"

Inara smiles.

She says, "sounds good, Mrs. Fiama. Faint chuckle. At least you're nicer than him."

Mama Fiama smiles some.

She's sitting in a chair. Mal is sitting in a chair, facing her.

Mal looks grumpy. He has his arms crossed.

But... Interestingly... He's also blushing a little in embarrassment.

Kaylee, River, and Johnny Fiama are sitting on the couch. Zoe, Wash, Jayne, and Simon are sitting on chairs.

All of them look quite amused.

Zoe, Wash, Jayne, and Johnny Fiama try hard not to laugh.

Sal can be heard all the way from the dining room.

He is laughing hard over something recently said.

River and Simon are sitting on the floor by the couch.

Inara is already walking down the main hall.

Inara and Mama Fiama wave to each other from across the room.

Inara goes through the front door. She closes it behind her.

Mama Fiama warningly glares at Mal.

Mama Fiama says, "Inara is such a nice woman. Are you always this rude?"

Mal mutters something under his breath.

Mama Fiama tensely asks, "what?"

Mal tensely mutters, "nothing."

He takes some heavy breaths.

Mal reflects, "so... Faint uneasy chuckle. You are like Doctor Who. You have been reincarnated as a Muppet and have been hiding out in the 1990's after losing Shadow. Faint nervous chuckle. If you ain't shown you know me that well? I ain't would have believed you were my mother."

Mama Fiama tensely calls out, "you didn't believe I'm your mother? What are you doing calling highly respected women like Inara terrible names?!"

Jayne can't help but laugh at that.

With mixed feelings... Mal mutters back, "we lost Shadow to The Alliance, and that's all you can go on about now?! Damnit, mother!! I thought I lost you. You didn't even much as send a time capsule to be buried on Persephone for me to dig up!"

A chilling silence fills the room.

Everyone starts to get teary eyed.

Mama Fiama admits, "well... Heavy sigh. Faint sniffle. Look at me, Mal-y. If I were to come back to the Verse as a Muppet, or give The Alliance a clue 'bout little old me... Heavy sigh. I would be easy picking in a 26th century wheat field. I may have a time machine across from a television station. But, I can't do everything for you or my son Johnny. Even Niska gets his own time machine. It's a cheap Space-Time telephone booth that runs on 1990's quarters."

Mal heavily sighs into his hands.

Everyone else finds it hard to look up themselves.

After a bit... They look up.

Mal realizes, "damn. That...that is good figurin' now. Moderate sigh. I can't stay mad at you for you staying low all this time."

The teariness in everyone's eyes starts to dry up.

Johnny Fiama smiles a little.

He adds, "my... Sorry Mal. I mean, our ma."

Mal awkwardly puts up his hands as if to say it's nothing.

Johnny Fiama comments, "our ma may be many things, Mal. But, she doesn't really stay out of trouble herself."

Mama Fiama mutters back, "I'm not trouble, Johnny!"

She angrily glares at Johnny Fiama.

She pulls out her frying pan from who knows where.

Everyone else looks nervous.

Johnny Fiama tries to assure, "hey, hey ma! I'm not trying to insult you. Put down the frying pan! Just... Faint chuckle. Moderate sigh. Not so different from you or Sal. Right there, pal?"

He smiles some toward Mal on the last part.

Mal smirks toward Johnny Fiama.

He laughs a little in a knowing way.

Mama Fiama blushes a little in embarrassment.

She puts down the frying pan.

Everyone else smiles and smirks.

Mama Fiama apologizes, "sorry Johnny. Nervous laugh. But, you're right. We're still family."

Wash comments, "a very whacky family across time and space."

Zoe adds, "that they are, honey."

Most everyone looks amused.

Then... Mal nervously sighs.

He points out, "well, now that we all gettin' 'long now..."

Mama Fiama says, "then don't you be rude to Inara!"

She's also waving a scolding finger at Mal.

Mama Fiama continues, "she could be your last chance at finding a nice woman to settle down with and have..."

Everyone else except Mal laughs hard, doubling over.

With mixed feelings... Mal pleads, "oh my god! Could we least not be havin' this conversation right now?! The universe is still in trouble while we sittin' here!!"

Mal is also blushing a little in embarrassment.

Mama Fiama moderately sighs.

More lightly... She concludes, "all right, my Mal-y. All right. You're right about the universe."

Mal mutters under his breath, "thank you, mother."

Mama Fiama offers, "I have some tools in my house that would be to you and your crew's liking. You could also take Sal and me with you in your fight against Niska."

Quite confused... Mal figures, "but, mother... I thought you said you had to stay low."

Mama Fiama explains, "this time is different, Mal-y. My instruments from in my time machine say it's only Badger and Niska."

Then... Mama Fiama glares heatedly toward the front door.

She angrily calls out, "the two bleu cheeses!!"

Most everyone chuckles and laughs a little at that.

Mal says, "okay. Kaylee? Go with my mother to find us tools."

Kaylee lightly adds, "all right, captain."

She and Mama Fiama start to get up.

More lightly... Mama Fiama assumes, "oh. So, she's the nice woman you...?"

At the same time... Mal and Simon frustratedly call out, "no!"

Kaylee, River, Zoe, Wash, Jayne, and Johnny Fiama laugh hard at that.


	8. Act IV, Part 1: Almost to Paradise

_Act IV, Part 1_

Not long after...

With some mixed feelings... Jayne apologizes, "Mal? I...I sorry 'bout seemin' like I were ditching all yah. But..."

With some mixed feelings... Mal points out, "ain't a need to this time, Jayne. This whole job were tetchy from start."

They're standing in the main hall. It's just them.

Sounding better already... Jayne adds, "yah. Thanks Mal."

Mal figures, "just tell me where you're going next time. Understand?"

Jayne figures, "yah. I do."

Mal adds, "good we had this conversation then."

They smile a little to each other.

Around then...

Kaylee implies, "Simon? T...the captain told me what you've been upset at me for. But, it real ain't what you think!"

Simon gulps nervously.

They're standing in the dining room. It's just the two of them.

Simon starts to say, "honestly..." Kaylee asks, "yes, Simon?"

They both make nervous faces. Kaylee is nervously playing around with a spoon.

Simon thinks out loud, "well... After finding out Mal's mother came back in the form of a Muppet... Moderate sigh. Okay Kaylee. I am more inclined to hear you out now."

Sounding better already... Kaylee says, "aw. Thanks."

They both smile a little.

Suddenly... A familiar voice interrupts.

Mal informs them, "Dr. Honeydew has found the Space-Time Mastertape Machine. Badger and Niska have conjured themselves up a flying Skyplex and are on their way back for the Muppet Studios. We have to go now!"

Simon and Kaylee look fairly shaken.

Simon says, "I understand."

But... He doesn't look away from Kaylee.

He also lightly squeezes Kaylee's free hand.

They both awkwardly smile.

Kaylee says, "yeah. All right. We're coming."

Mal concludes, "good to have you both still with us."

He smirks a little.

All three of them head out of the Fiamas's house.

And... They see the ship Serenity bizarrely sitting completely balanced on the roof of the house.

Two fire escape styled metal ladders reach up to the open cargo hold.

Simon, Kaylee, and Mal look real amused at the sight before them.

Kaylee lightly calls out, "shiny! Thanks, Mrs. Fiama!"

She also has a cupped hand over her mouth.

From the speakers onboard Serenity... Mama Fiama lightly calls back, "you're welcome, dear! My Mal-y? Is this be making up for years of lost time with you?!"

Mal lightly laughs.

Mal admits, "well, I must say: This is a shiny surprise. I'm damn sure you're gettin' closer to making up for lost time."

Mama Fiama concludes, "good. Good, my Mal-y. Now hurry! We have a universe to be saving."

Mal figures, "yep. I'm coming!"

He climbs up one of the metal ladders. Simon and Kaylee are already halfway up the ladders.

Mal gets into the cargo hold. The cargo hold closes behind him.

Soon... Wash is piloting Serenity off the roof...on a course back for the Muppets Studio.

Around then, at the Muppets Tonight studio...

Clifford says, "look. It's great you're here." Inara says, "and I'm thankful you think so."

Inara is holding a few pictures in her hand.

They're standing backstage right by the interior windows from the back room.

Clifford kind of nervously points out, "but we don't have time to go over these pictures. You're about to go onstage!"

Inara brings up, "...which is exactly why I asked Sam the Eagle if they'd be not too political to show."

She smiles knowingly.

Almost as if on cue... Sam is there.

Clifford checks, "okay. Sam? What do you think?"

Sam concludes, "in light of the case she has brought to me, Clifford... I am proud to say that they have a good message for broadcasting on our show."

More lightly... Clifford figures, "well, okay! We'd love to add them."

Inara nervously chuckles a little.

She and Clifford smile.

Inara tells Clifford, "thank you. This means a lot to me. River also time stamped the pictures because of how short notice this request is."

Clifford concludes, "even more of a relief."

Clifford lightly calls out, "yo, Nigel! I got to host. Can you get these pictures in the back room for this musical number, and tell the crew they're already time stamped?"

Nigel lightly figures, "nice! That's more of a relief."

Clifford adds, "yeah: That's what I just said. And, thank you."

Nigel hurries to the back room with the pictures. Clifford starts to hurry up on to the central stage.

Sam turns to Inara.

Sam reflects, "I am honored to be a fan of yours and Book's, Inara: Always trying to stop madness and bring peace to your ship Serenity."

Inara smiles wide.

She says, "why thank you, Sam. I'm sure he will be thankful too." Sam adds, "you're welcome."

Sam still looks straight faced.

Mostly unphased... Inara adds, "I should make my final preparation to go onstage."

She hurries backstage behind some dark blue curtains.

And... Inara thinks to herself:

Morena? I don't know if you sing well or not yourself.

But...

Faint chuckle.

I hope I'm about to amaze your friends.

On the central stage...

Clifford addresses, "hey, hey. You know, with so many guest stars tonight... It can be even crazier around here. But, not to worry. You the fans want more of the Firefly cast? We the Muppets are about to give you more. Yeah!"

A lot of cheers and clapping is heard from the live audience of Muppets.

Clifford smiles.

Clifford announces, "Morena doesn't usually sing live. But, she has agreed to sing live tonight on Muppets Tonight!"

More cheers and claps are heard.

Clifford concludes, "so... Let's go to a small town that's just a tap dance away from paradise...because here is Morena and Kermit singing a romantic duet from the movie Footloose."

On a second stage of the Muppets Tonight studio...

There's some dark blue curtains, some white concrete wall props left and right, Christmas tree lights with tied in multicolored golf balls hanging from above, and a blocky yellow door.

Two movie projectors roll down from above.

Kermit is on stage with a microphone.

And... He starts to sing the song Almost Paradise originally sung by Mike Reno and Ann Wilson.

Kermit sings, "I thought that dreams belonged to other men... Cause each time I got close... They'd fall apart again."

Suddenly... Inara walks up on stage with a microphone.

She starts to sing her parts of the song, "I feared my heart would beat in secrecy... I faced the nights alone..."

Her singing voice sounds similar but different to Adele.

Some loud clapping and cheers are heard from the live audience.

Kermit excitedly looks toward Inara. Inara smiles toward him.

Just as quick... Kermit excitedly looks toward the live audience.

Inara tries hard not to chuckle at that part.

Kermit side turns back toward Inara. She side turns toward him.

While they're both singing... Clips are playing on the two projector screens:

Of shadow figures firing cannons, the words SOPA bill starting to burn in flames, shadow figures pointing angrily at each other, the words Youtube DMCA takedowns starting to burn in flames, shadow books thrown into shadow flames, and the words CASE Acts I and II starting to burn in flames.

Inara and Kermit sing, "oh, how could I have known...?"

Kermit suddenly glances over to the projector screens...realizing what Inara's additions are.

All of a sudden... Kermit looks quite nervous.

Inara whispers, "it's okay. Sam the Eagle and Clifford said it was okay."

Kermit smirks a little.

Inara and Kermit sing, "that all my life...I only needed you?"

Then... On the projector screens... All the clips explode all at once in flame icons.

And, out of the smoke... The two projector screens show stills with clear blue skies and bright yellow suns.

On one projector screen are the words Section 230. The other has on it the number 2021.

Kermit whispers to Inara, "okay. But, I still want to know more about your additions after the show."

Inara smiles some.

Inara and Kermit sing, "ohh, almost paradise! We're knocking on heaven's door..."

With some mixed feelings... Inara whispers, "all right. But, I can't promise you'll like to know more about the future."

Inara knocks on the yellow door. She opens the door.

And... A Muppet lion roars from the other side.

Inara looks wide eyed in shock.

She very quickly closes the door.

She catches her breath while propping herself up against the door.

Kermit worriedly checks, "oh no: Are you okay, Inar...?! I mean, Morena?!"

Inara somewhat nervously insists, "yeah. Nervous laugh. I'm good Kermit. Just...really wasn't expecting that."

Kermit adds, "oh good."

More lightly... He reasons, "and yes: A lot can be scary in the future. But, maybe a lot in the future will be good too."

Inara adds, "thank you." Kermit adds, "you're welcome."

They smile wide to each other.

Sounding better already... Inara and Kermit sing, "almost paradise! How could we ask for more? I swear that I can see, forever in your eyes... Paradise..."

A third projector screen rolls down behind the door.

Kermit sings, "It seems like perfect love's so hard to find... I'd almost given up..."

Kermit knocks on the door. He opens the door.

And... The projector screen from the other side shows a still from the Muppet Movie finale:

With a rainbow prop before grassy plains and a clear blue sky.

Kermit sings, "you must've read my mind. And all these dreams... I saved for a rainy day..."

Suddenly... Giant silver coins rain down from behind the door.

Kermit nervously gasps.

Inara quickly moves Kermit out of the way.

The giant silver coins roll on past them and off the stage.

Kermit breathes a sigh of relief.

Kermit says, "thank you." Inara says, "no problem."

They smile.

Inara sings, "they're finally coming true..."

Kermit and Inara sing, "I'll share them all with you, cause now we hold the future in our hands... Ohh, almost paradise! We're knocking on heaven's door..."

They both knock on the yellow door. Kermit opens the door.

Carl is on the other side of the door.

He says, "thank you!"

He waves to them.

Kermit and Inara look amused.

They wave goodbye.

Then... Kermit and Inara kind of slowly close the door.

They sing, "almost paradise! How could we ask for more? I swear that I can see... Forever in your eyes... Paradise..."

Kermit sings, "and in your arms, salvation's not so far away..."

Kermit and Inara sing, "we're getting closer, closer every day... Ohh, almost paradise! We're knocking on heaven's door..."

They both knock on the yellow door. Inara opens the door.

And... Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy are on the other side of the door.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew giggles. Beaker me-me-mes. Fozzie honks his horn. Miss Piggy excitedly waves.

Miss Piggy lightly calls out, "I'm here, Kermie! I'm here!"

Inara chuckles.

Inara and Kermit look amused.

Fozzie is dancing around with his arms lightly twirling side to side.

Suddenly... Miss Piggy quickly goes over to Kermit's side.

She starts to slow dance with him.

Kermit looks fairly confused by this.

Inara says, "it's all right Kermit. I won't be mad."

Inara very awkwardly smiles.

Kermit awkwardly figures to Inara, "well... If you're sure..."

Then... More lightly... Kermit says, "oh, why not? Let's dance, Miss Piggy."

Miss Piggy lightly goes, "all right!"

Miss Piggy and Kermit smile to each other.

The two of them continue to slow dance.

And... Kermit and Inara finish singing the song, "almost paradise... How could we ask for more? I swear that I can see... Forever in your eyes... Paradise... Paradise... Paradise."

The live audience claps and cheers.

Kermit and Inara take bows.

Miss Piggy says to Kermit, "fine. I've let you bow. But, we're dancing more later!"

Kermit and Inara awkwardly chuckle.

Kermit is quick to say to Miss Piggy, "it's a deal, Miss Piggy."

Miss Piggy adds, "oh good, Kermie."

She smiles wide. She also poses with a excited expression for the cameras.

Kermit, Miss Piggy, Inara, and everyone else on stage takes a bow.

And... The live audience continues to clap and cheer.


	9. Act IV, Part 2: Here Comes Serenity Into Battle & More

_Act IV, Part 2_

Meanwhile, outside of the Muppets Tonight studio...

Serenity and Niska's flying Skyplex are circling around the roof of the Muppets Tonight studio.

Serenity's cargo hold is kind of slowly opening. Jayne, Zoe, Simon, River, Mama Fiama, Sal, and Mal are there.

Zoe and Mal have their light gun pointers ready.

But... They're also upgraded with Mama Fiama's magnetized silverware.

They're magnetically attached around the firing ends of the light gun pointers in circles.

Jayne has Vera and some magnetized silverware ready. Simon has Mama Fiama's whisk and his medical bag.

Mama Fiama has her frying pan ready. Sal has a human sized rubber slingshot ready.

Mal calls out, "we're close enough. Fire!"

Twenty flying bowler hat robot probes come flying out of Niska's flying Skyplex.

Zoe and Mal fire prism like very light blue lightning from their light gun pointers...right into one of Niska's flying Skyplex's giant cannon styled engines.

It explodes off in a fireball in the night sky.

Niska's flying Skyplex shakes.

Niska's flying Skyplex's cockpit is styled like Niska's dark chamber.

Badger and Niska reactively grab the table styled console just to stay upright.

They both glare toward the walls.

Jayne fires laser fast fire from Vera...taking out five of the bowler hat robot probes.

But... Most of the bowler hat robot probes fire rounds of laser fast fire from their rims.

Simon quickly presses the side button on Mama Fiama's whisk.

Very light blue force field beams spin out and around like a wind fan...canceling out most of the laser fast fire.

Zoe and Mal tumble dive out of the way of some of the laser fast fire.

Simon smiles some in relief.

Mama Fiama calls out, "Sal? I'm first on the slingshot!!"

All of a sudden... River runs ahead of Sal.

He looks wide eyed in shock at the slingshot.

Sal warningly calls out, "hey: Get off Johnny Fiama's Ma's slingshot!"

River just giggles.

Before anyone can stop her... She launches herself high through the sky with the human sized slingshot.

River tumble crash lands through a window...and right into Niska's flying Skyplex's cockpit.

Simon worriedly calls out, "oh no! No! River!!"

Mama Fiama worriedly murmurs, "oh dear! I hope she'll be all right."

Soon, on the central stage...

Clifford asks, "Miss Piggy? What are you doing here? I thought you left for the night."

He looks wide eyed in surprise.

Miss Piggy kind of tensely figures, "well, after Saffron spoiled my sketch for this evening... I was not taking chances!"

Clifford lightly brings up, "you know, I thought you of all the Muppets wouldn't approve of seeing Kermit being in a romantic duet that isn't with you. But, you seem to be taking it very well all things considered."

Miss Piggy lightly laughs.

They both smile.

Miss Piggy continues, "oh, Clifford. You overworked host! I had Inara sign a contractual agreement not to try to take my frog away, or she'll be hearing from my law firm for pigs in the 26th century. I snuck into the back of Mrs. Fiama's car so I could fill her, Zoe, or Kaylee in on the details if they were to come back before the closing number."

She pulls out a fancy looking contract with parchment paper and everything.

All too lightly... She waves the contract around like a flag.

Clifford's smile quickly fades. He looks wide eyed in shock.

He shakes his head.

Clifford says, "oh geez! Forget I asked you."

Miss Piggy just casually shrugs.

She puts the contract away.

Clifford starts to walk away.

He mutters under his breath, "why Kermit hasn't dumped her already, I'll never..."

Miss Piggy angrily calls out, "I heard that!!"

She angrily charges after Clifford.

Clifford calls out, "ahh!"

Clifford runs for it.

He runs past Zippity Zap.

Zippity Zap somewhat lightly says, "oh, that's cold!"

He also points to the back door Clifford is running toward.

Suddenly... Miss Piggy pauses.

Cluelessly... Miss Piggy tells Zippity Zap, "oh, thank you."

All too lightly... She smiles.

Then... She hears the back door open.

Miss Piggy makes a scrunched up face toward the back door.

Miss Piggy angrily calls out, "hey! Get back here, Clifford!!"

Miss Piggy goes through the back door.

Inara nervously asks, "is she always this way?"

With mixed feelings... Kermit figures, "well... Uh... Believe it or not? She also has good days."

Inara makes a nervous face.

She nervously remarks, "well... Suddenly my fights with Mal aren't so bad."

Kermit incredulously asks, "what?!"

Inara apologizes, "I'm really sorry Kermit. I... Moderate sigh. I shouldn't have brought up your relationship. But, believe me: I'm sure you'll work things out."

She puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.

More lightly... Kermit figures, "oh. Well, thank you."

Inara adds, "you're welcome. See you later."

They both faintly smile.

Inara moves her hand away. But, she's still faintly smiling.

Kermit adds, "yeah. See you later. And, good luck."

They wave goodbye to each other.

They start to walk down different halls.

They hear a distant hi-yahh...and a distant crash.

Inara and Kermit wince to themselves.

Then... There's a louder hi-yahh.

Miss Piggy high kicks Clifford...right back into the Muppets Tonight studio.

There's a Clifford sized hole in a brick wall. A lot of dust falls around it.

Clifford coughs hard.

And... He falls unconscious.

Around then, down the main hall...

Inara has walked up to the door to her dressing room.

A little teary eyed... Inara is thinking to herself:

Too bad we can't just switch who we want to date.

Faint nervous chuckle.

Still...

Nervous sigh. Faint sniffle.

I don't know if dating a Muppet would be any less complicated for myself or Mal. And, maybe I don't want to go there.

Suddenly... She hears a phone ringing.

Inara briefly looks down.

And... She realizes a gray and black cellular phone has bizarrely appeared in her hand.

Inara gives it a very odd look.

But... She quickly answers the cellular phone.

Inara warily asks, "hello?"

Some very calm sounds are heard from the other end of the line.

With some mixed feelings... Inara concludes, "wow. That... Faint chuckle. No: I'd be happy to help stop Badger and Niska. But, I don't even know you. How can I be sure you're...?"

Some very calm sounds are heard from the other end of the line.

Inara looks very stunned.

But... The teariness in her eyes is starting to dry up.

She smiles wide.

She lightly reflects, "wow! You are a omniscient woman and fitness model. Thank you for telling me! Thank you very much! Chuckle. Yes Kathy: I'm on my way now."

Inara is already running up the emergency stairs. But, she keeps the cellular phone up to her ear.

Some very calm sounds and a chuckle are heard from the other end of the line.

Inara lightly concludes, "oh merciful Buddha! Chuckle. Well, at least everyone was brought back safe and sound after that Muppets Tonight episode. You know Kathy? We should really hang out sometime."

Some very calm sounds and a chuckle are heard from the other end of the line.

Then... Inara goes through the door to the roof.


	10. Act V, Part 1: The Big Damn Closing Number Begins

_Act V, Part 1_

Around then, back with Mal and Zoe...

Mal, Zoe, and Jayne tensely look toward Niska's flying Skyplex.

Hundreds of Niska's flying Skyplexes are flying out through temporal wormholes in the sky...going from the Firefly pilot episode Serenity to every possible future of the Serenity crew.

Three devices from Serenity designed like trash cans called Cry Babies are flying around in the sky. Some of the Muppets Tonight stage crew is riding on the Cry Babies in recently bolted in camera crane seats.

They have their studio cameras out. They've been broadcasting live the fight with the robot probes and the final act.

Over his earwig... Mal calls out, "Wash?! Pilot us closer."

From Serenity's cockpit... Wash says, "closer? Faint chuckle. Let's see what we can do."

From Serenity's engine room... Kaylee adds, "already prepped the engines, captain!"

Wash and Kaylee smile wide. Mal and Zoe smile some.

Wash steers Serenity faster in a upward spin for Niska's flying Skyplex.

And... The edges of Serenity's open cargo hold crash right through seven bowler hat robot probes.

All seven of the robot probes explode off in flying burning robot parts.

Wash, Kaylee, and everyone in the cargo hold laughs and chuckles with some relief.

Simon uses the force field whisk to shield everyone from the incoming fire from the remaining robot probes.

Zoe and Mal fire prism like very light blue lightning...destroying five bowler hat robot probes.

Jayne fires laser fast fire from Vera...destroying three bowler hat robot probes.

Mama Fiama launches herself with the human sized slingshot...carrying Sal with her.

Jayne asks, "are we several feet off from the Skyplex, Mal?" Mal adds, "yep."

Jayne high tosses two magnetized silverware right for the window.

Just as quick... Jayne fires some laser fast fire from Vera...right into one of them.

The two silverware explode in lightning sparks...knocking out main power for the flying Skyplex.

Three windows shatter into glass pieces.

Mal adds, "good throwing." Jayne adds, "thanks."

They, Zoe, and Simon look impressed.

One at a time... The four of them slingshot themselves over...and right through the three open windows.

Around then, back with Inara...

Inara has found her shuttle on the roof. It's suspended slightly over by a spilt screen effect literally in the sky.

Inara lightly realizes, "yes! I love Kathy's split screen effects. Thank you, Kathy!"

Inara gets into her shuttle. She puts away the cellular phone Kathy gave her.

She's walking up to the cockpit.

Then... She sees Miss Piggy in the front seat of the cockpit.

Inara annoyedly calls out, "hey! I don't want to fight with you. But, this is my shuttle."

Miss Piggy makes a scrunched up face toward her.

She remarks back, "look Miss Homeland! You rent your shuttle on Firefly anyway. So, either pay me cash or let me have your big part in the closing number on the sky castle already!"

Inara makes a annoyed face.

But... She pulls out fifty dollars from her pockets.

She says, "fine. Here!"

Miss Piggy all too lightly smiles. She takes the money.

Miss Piggy says, "thank you, darling. I'll scoot over now."

Miss Piggy moves over to the co-pilot seat. Inara sits in the pilot seat.

Inara also very annoyedly sighs.

Inara mutters, "don't expect me to be this nice to you next time, Miss Piggy. I do have actual standards."

Miss Piggy says, "I got standards too, you know." Inara comments back, "so you say."

Miss Piggy grrs. But, she just sits in the co-pilot chair.

Inara smirks a little to herself.

And... She's piloting her shuttle up...and right for the smashed in windows of the flying Skyplex.

Around then, back with River...

River gets up.

Niska darkly smiles.

He reveals, "River: I knew you'd come. Laugh. You did not think we would not program a Space-Time Mastertape without considering how too easy you stopped my men before?"

River looks wide eyed in shock.

She tries to out run Niska.

But... He surprisingly and easily throws her hard into the wall.

River coughs hard and groans hard. She's kind of slowly getting up.

River somewhat nervously calls out, "dance off! Hard cough! Please?"

Badger smirks wide. Niska looks very confused.

Badger darkly reasons, "it's winner take all, see? Faint laugh. You can fight Malcolm Reynolds and the other bloody lot. But, a chance fer River going out with me? I ain't passing that up."

While he's talking to Niska... River sneakily flips a switch on the Space-Time Mastertape Machine from behind her.

River smirks to herself, standing there.

The flipped switch has the word "musical" under it.

Niska dismissively waves his hand.

But... He firmly says, "fine Badger. Have your dance fun. What concerns me and you now is destroying Malcolm Reynolds's reputation for good with evil clones of his crew and proving our reputations forever more."

Niska and Badger darkly smile to each other.

Suddenly... The main power of the central flying Skyplex goes out.

Niska's smile quickly fades.

Niska frustratedly cries out, "no! Not this time, Malcolm Reynolds!!"

He hurries over to the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine. He presses a few buttons on it.

And... Copies of the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine appear on Niska's other flying Skyplexes.

At the same time... Emergency power automatically comes on for the central flying Skyplex.

Badger grabs River from behind.

Badger tensely mutters, "oh no! We got all your powers too, see? Laugh! You ain't getting near the machine now."

Just then... Mama Fiama whacks him hard with her frying pan.

Mama Fiama calls out, "don't you hurt her!!"

Badger coughs hard some.

Sal tries to jump charge for his head.

But... Badger just speed steps out of the way.

With him distracted for a bit... River ballet spins to break herself free from Badger.

River smirks wide.

River lightly says, "looks like we are having that dance after all, Badger. Thanks Mrs. Fiama and Sal."

Sal and Mrs. Fiama smile.

Badger glares frustratedly at River.

Not long before, back with Clifford...

Clifford is carrying his cellular phone in one hand.

He goes through the door to the roof.

Clifford says, "yo, Rizzo! I got a voice message left from River. It's important."

Rizzo is already on the roof.

Rizzo says, "okay, okay then. Let's hear it."

With the press of a button... Clifford has the voice message play from his cellular phone.

It says:

**She can't be in the studio in time. But, Kathy knows how too.**

**Giggle.**

**Save the Verse for them.**

Rizzo lightly figures, "ha! Well... Why didn't you just say to call Kathy, Clifford? This should've been a no-brainer."

Clifford glares warningly at him.

Clifford annoyedly concludes, "just do it, Rizzo. I'll let Kermit and the others know about the call."

Rizzo adds, "right. Faint nervous laugh. Right. Got it, Clifford!"

Clifford smiles a little toward him.

Then... Clifford hurriedly heads back downstairs to find Kermit and more of the Muppets.

Back on the central flying Skyplex...

Mal, Zoe, Jayne, and Simon have all tumble landed into the central flying Skyplex's cockpit. They start to get up.

And... The closing number begins.

Mal starts to sing his own version of Running on Empty by Jackson Browne.

Mal sings, "looking out at space rushing under my wheels... Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields... In twenty five-eleven, I was close to winning the battle. I got a turret aimed for a Alliance Skiff one-on-one... I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on... Running on, running on empty... Running on, running blind... Running on, running through the Black... But I'm running behind..."

River and Badger are exchanging kicks like crazy.

Badger keeps deflecting Miss Fiama's frying pan with his open hand up.

Sal is cheekily smiling. He's stomping his monkey feet on Niska's head.

Sal is also wrestling over Niska's spectacles.

Niska calls out, "get your grimy monkey hands off my spectacles! They're not cheap!"

Zoe, Jayne, and Simon laugh hard at Niska.

Mal sings, "gotta do what you can just to keep love for your crew alive... Been trying not to confuse myself with what you do to survive and with love... In twenty five-eleven 'fore that god damn battle... I was twenty-five and I called a corner of the Verse my own. I know too well when that road turned off to the road I've been taking on with Serenity... Running on, running through the Black... But I'm running behind..."

Zoe's, Jayne's, and Simon's amused faces fade quickly.

Niska hurls Sal hard into Simon...making Simon drop the force field emitter whisk.

Sal and Simon groan hard some.

They're dizzily starting to get up.

River sideways jump kicks off of the back of Mama Fiama's swinging frying pan.

And... She high kicks Badger into the side of the console.

Badger groans hard.

He's dizzily starting to get up.

Niska darkly smiles.

He puts back on his spectacles.

Mal angrily charges for Niska.

Zoe, Mal, and Jayne are about to fire at Niska.

But... Niska just speed backhand whacks Mal hard into Zoe and Jayne.

All three of them groan hard some against the floor.

Their light gun pointers and Vera go flying.

Suddenly... Inara's shuttle's door opens before one of the smashed in windows.

Miss Piggy somewhat tensely mutters, "well...Mister Niska. Are you looking for a fight with moi? No one threatens River and gets away with it!"

Miss Piggy goes, "hi-yahh!"

She charge kicks down at Niska.

He speed side steps to grab her leg in the air.

Niska starts to laugh hard.

But... Just as quick... River pulls Niska's hand away from behind him.

Miss Piggy lightly goes, "oh. Thank you River. Hi-yahh!"

And... Miss Piggy and River kick Niska hard at the same time.

Niska groans hard some on the floor. He's dizzily starting to get up.

But... Mal and Jayne punch him down at the same time.

Inara is carefully climbing down from the open shuttle door to the flying Skyplex floor.

Yet... She's smiling wide knowingly to herself about what Kathy told her.

Mal sings, "everyone I know, everywhere I go... People need some reason to believe. I don't real know about anyone but me. If it takes all night to give hopeful light to my crew, that'll be all right... If I can get you to smile before I leave this crazy hour long special of Muppets Tonight, that's okay too..."

Zoe, Mal, Jayne, Mama Fiama, Sal, Simon, River, and Miss Piggy are smiling wide to each other.

Mama Fiama and Simon start to tie Badger's hands behind his back to arrest him.

Mal lifts a dizzy Niska up by the side of the console.

Mal sings, "looking out at the space rushing under my wheels... I don't know how to tell you all just how crazy this life feels... Or, do I...? My mother became a Muppet, my dream peach sang with Kermit now... Is it too crazy that I'm startin' to like it all? I look around for Browncoats past that I used to turn to to help me and Zoe pull through..."

Badger mutters, "then you won't be likin' my "little" hat trick."

Badger and Niska darkly smile.

Suddenly... The top of Badger's bowler hat opens up like a lid...releasing over fifty bowler hat robot probes.


	11. Act V, Part 2: Highways in the Sky & Mastertapes

_Act V, Part 2_

Mal tosses Niska aside.

With Simon and Mama Fiama distracted for a bit... Badger tosses the rope off his hands.

He speed hurls Simon hard for the wall. But, River and Mama Fiama are quick to catch him before he can crash land.

With a angry cry... Mal slams the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine itself into Badger to knock him out.

But... The robot probes are still coming.

Mal frustratedly cries out, "no!! Damn you, Badger!!"

Mal is still holding the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine.

The swarm of bowler hat robot probes starts to fire rounds of laser fast fire.

Jayne starts to mutter, "oh, sh...!!"

Zoe calls out, "everybody fall back!! Fall back!!"

Everyone aside from Miss Piggy gets a little teary eyed.

With no time to even fire back?

Zoe, Mal, Jayne, Mama Fiama, Sal, Simon, River, and Miss Piggy run for it.

They run down the flying Skyplex's corridors. But, rounds of laser fast fire keep tailing them from behind.

Mal sings, "looking into their eyes, I've seen them running too... Running on, running on empty... Running on, running blind... Running on, running through the Black... But I'm running behind..."

Zoe, Mal, Jayne, Mama Fiama, Sal, Simon, River, and Miss Piggy are surrounded by bowler hat robot probes.

The robot probes are about to fire rounds of laser fast fire right at them.

But... Just then... Time around all the laser fast fire slows down Matrix movie style before Inara's outstretched hand.

And... Inara starts to sing her own version of I Drove All Night originally sung by Cyndi Lauper.

Inara sings, "I had to escape... The cities of Earth-That-Was sometimes get sticky and cruel. Maybe I should have called you first. But, I was dying to get to you... I was dreaming while I drove my shuttle across the long Verse ahead. But, I can't hold back any longer. I...I want to share in your sweet victories, your arms open wide... This crush for you is just burning from inside-ide-ide!"

Inara swings her arm wide to and fro...deflecting all the laser fast fire back at the bowler hat robot probes.

Mama Fiama gasps excitedly.

Mal, Simon, Jayne, and Sal look very stunned and open mouthed toward Inara. Zoe, Miss Piggy, and River smile wide.

All of the robot probes explode in bursts of fire.

The teariness in just about everyone's eyes starts to dry up.

Niska makes a very frustrated face.

He cries out, "what is the meaning of...this?!"

And... Inara says, "your timely end."

She speed phase walks through Niska.

And... With some phase ripples... Niska falls unconscious on the floor.

Inara turns to face Mal.

Inara sings, "I drove all ni-i-ight to get to you... Is that all right? I drove all ni-i-ight! Crept delicately in your mind... Waking you from your restless sleep, to show you love is not just dreams... Is that all right? I drove all ni-i-i-i-ight!"

She spreads out her arms wide and tilts her head back for dramatic effect.

Just as quick... She straightens up, continuing to face Mal.

Everyone is now smiling wide and smirking wide: Even Mal.

Mal hands over the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine to Zoe and Simon.

Zoe and Simon smirk.

Then... Mal sings, "honey...I got to say you really tempt me. You know you turn me about when we fight... You know you are so kind when we don't fight... Would I have to be a manly Muppet or a Muppet of a man to make it right?"

Inara laughs hard some on that question.

But... Mal just gives her a amused look.

Mal sings, "I'd love to stick around and not just survive. But, I'm running behind... You know I don't even know if I can hope like that. I've been runnin' behind so long from love... Running into the Black. But, I'm running behind..."

Inara, Zoe, and River amusedly roll their eyes. Miss Piggy and Sal annoyedly roll their eyes.

Inara sings to Mal, "ohh, you lovable idiot..."

Jayne, Simon, Zoe, and River laugh hard at that. Miss Piggy, Sal, and Mama Fiama chuckle hard some.

Inara sings to Mal, "what in either world keeps us from tearing apart for long? I love you as you are. No matter where I go, I hear the beating of your heart. I think about you when the night is cold and da-a-ark... No one can move my feelings back and forth the way that you do. And yet... Nothing erases the feeling between me and you..."

And... Inara reaches her hand out to Mal.

Mal gulps nervously. He gives her a very nervous look.

Inara finishes singing, "I drove all ni-i-ight to get to you... Is that all right? I drove all ni-i-ight! Crept delicately in your mind... Want to wake you from your restless sleep... To show you love is not just dreaming... Is that all right? I drove all ni-i-i-i-ight! I want to share in your sweet victories, your arms open wide... This crush for you is just burning to get out from inside-ide-ide! I drove all night to get to you... Is that all right? I drove all ni-i-i-i-ight! Creeping delicately in your mind... Want to wake you from your restless sleep... To show you love is not just dreaming... Is that all right? I drove all ni-i-ight! Please! Can we share in our sweet victories, our arms open wide... This crush for you is just burning to get out from inside-ide-ide! I drove all night...!"

And... Inara says, "...to finally ask you out, Mal."

Mal smirks wide at that.

And... He finally puts his hand in Inara's.

They stand close to each other...looking into each other's eyes.

Mama Fiama says, "I'm so proud of my Mal-y."

Mal and Inara awkwardly chuckle.

Zoe has passed the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine over to Simon.

Zoe says, "I'm makin' sure you don't forget this part, sir."

She puts a comforting hand on Mal's shoulder.

Most everyone chuckles and laughs some.

And... Zoe uses her free hand to press the rewind button on the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine.

The swarm of bowler hat robot probes chasing them, Serenity taking off of the roof of the Fiamas's house... Everything around Niska's and Badger's central flying Skyplex starts to cosmically rewind.

Not long before, back with Rizzo...

Most all of the Muppets including Clifford are gathered around. Rizzo is on his cellular phone.

Rizzo checks, "Hey! Kathy? Clifford is back. So, what do you think we should do now to save the day?"

A split screen appears...with Kathy standing there in the other half of the screen.

Kathy is smiling wide. She has her free hand on her hip with her arm out some.

She plans out, "okay. Bobo, Sam, Kermit, and Clifford? You go clear out important items from the studio and bring them outside. You should also evacuate the live audience and bring out Swinetrek's Deep Dish Nine scale model. Miss Piggy? Get ready to board the Deep Dish Nine when it's the right size. You go in there, save the Verses from all of Niska's evil clones, and get the best queen dream ever!"

The view cuts back some...showing Miss Piggy is now on the roof somehow.

Miss Piggy excitedly adds, "for the record? I am already one hundred percent for this plan!"

Clifford annoyedly says, "yeah: Of course you are!"

Kermit somewhat nervously points out, "wait a minute guys! Miss Piggy? I thought you were up on the Skyplex to help fight Niska and Badger! How did you...?!"

Miss Piggy lightly insists, "aw. That's not important right now, Kermie. We wrapped that up, and it's not a stupid everyone-just-forgets-the-finale-now time travel show. So..."

Kermit kind of nervously adds, "oh good. I withdraw the question."

Kathy continues, "we covered that for the live audience. That's good. Rizzo? Wake up Dr. Phil Van Neuter and Mulch, and get them to send 100,000 electrical volts through the studio. They'll love to try it as a experiment."

Rizzo nervously argues, "but...but that will fry the studio!"

All of the Muppets on the roof murmur very nervously and very uneasily.

Kathy makes a somewhat nervous pffting with her mouth.

She tries to lightly assure, "guys? There will be more revivals of the Muppets. I know it's hard to believe now. But, really: I'm helping everyone out. Now, please hurry to save the Verse! I know you can do it."

The Muppets sigh in mixed relief.

Most of them go back in the studio to get important items out. Rizzo goes to wake up Dr. Phil Van Neuter and Mulch.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker are still on the roof. They left their important items at home in their haste to try to start testing with the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew reasons, "well, with everyone else off to do what you asked... Could you please explain to me and Beaky here how this will work to help everyone and not just the Muppets?"

He points a finger up on the question.

Clifford let him borrow his cellular phone.

Kathy grins wide.

She highlights, "all right. I'll tell you everything. This special hour long episode's ratings have shattered TV network rating records across the country, and it got too much notice from Grouper. He is already selling the TV network stocks of Muppets Tonight to make knock-off action movies around Muppets and Firefly instead. By doing what I've said to do? Electrifying the studio at the key moment when Mal and his crew press rewind on that Mastertape Machine will create a space-time pocket loop. Miss Piggy will use that to travel from the Firefly pilot episode Serenity to every possible future of Malcolm Reynolds's crew, and bring us lasting peace in this universe's 26th century Verse for humans and Muppets! She will use Deep Dish Nine to take down all of the worst criminals from this universe's 26th century Verse and all of the worst government agents of The Alliance in this universe's 26th century Verse in one go."

Beaker makes very excited me-me-me noises.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew excitedly goes, "wow! Now I understand. That is your most brilliant plan yet, Kathy!"

Kathy concludes, "why thank you, Bunsen. Chuckle. And, there will be a lovely list of vacation planets between now and 2011. I say this because your Muppets revivals on Earth begin in 2011 anyway with a great Muppets movie."

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew lightly says, "ooh! That is even more assuring. Thank you."

Kathy excitedly reflects, "you're welcome! Why else would I be cheerful every time I get called by one of the Muppets no matter what you accidentally did? I've been counting down to this very happy day for years!"

She puts a hand off her hip to raise her arm up over her head.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew giggles. Beaker makes excited me-me-me sounds.

Soon...

The Deep Dish Nine model has grown as big as a shuttle on Star Trek. Electricity keeps running across it.

The studio is burning up. Flames and smoke are all over the roof.

Miss Piggy is wearing her Deep Dish Nine commander costume.

All too lightly... Miss Piggy goes, "all right! Queen dream? Meet moi: Queen Miss Piggy of all the Verse!"

She goes to the Deep Dish Nine's starship bridge. She hurriedly buckles up in her seat.

And... With bright blue flame trails... Miss Piggy takes off in the electrified and slowly burning Deep Dish Nine.

The Deep Dish Nine flies from temporal wormhole to temporal wormhole, whizzing by star cluster to whizzing by star cluster...and from the Firefly pilot episode Serenity to every branching out Firefly story there ever was.

At whizzing by warp speed...

A joyful Miss Piggy fires with the Deep Dish Nine's red to pinkish lasers at hundreds of Niska's flying Skyplexes throughout the 26th century Verses, hundreds of Alliance city ships in a certain Verse, and hundreds of crab and scorpion styled ships for the meanest criminals in a certain Verse.

Explosions come down like rain past whizzing by star clusters.

Then...

The Deep Dish Nine comes out of a wormhole...and crash lands in the wreckage of the Muppets Tonight studio.

Miss Piggy jumps out in time with a parachute. She starts gliding down from high in the sky.

She happily calls out, "yes! Look at me now! I am Queen of the Verse! I am the Queen of Browncoats! I..."

Fire trucks are leaving the scene. The live studio audience and the other Muppets have evacuated a hour ago.

Suddenly... Miss Piggy sees the Deep Dish Nine has become a big extra cheese deep dish pizza with starship chunks.

And... Cluelessly... Miss Piggy says, "ooh. This will go great to serve at my homecoming Verse party!"


	12. Epilogue, Part 1: You and Me in California

_Epilogue, Part 1_

Not long after, by the wreckage of the Muppets Tonight studio...

Dr. Phil Van Neuter groans hard some.

He's just waking up amidst the ashes, burnt wood props, burnt machine parts of the Muppets Space-Time Mastertape Machine, and burnt out electrical cords.

Then... He goes, "yes! Yes! At last, we... Mulch? Mulch?!"

He starts to look for Mulch.

Suddenly... Small trails of fire appear.

There's a electrified explosion.

And... A running Mulch appears.

He crashes into Dr. Phil Van Neuter.

Dr. Phil Van Neuter groans hard some.

He dusts himself off.

He mutters, "ow! Ow! Oh, Mulch!"

Mulch gutturally babbles.

He also waves his arms around.

Dr. Phil Van Neuter moderately sighs into his hand.

Dr. Phil Van Neuter figures, "oh well. Not even time travel can keep you from crashing into things, Mulch."

Mulch gutturally babbles more loudly.

He also points over to the wreckage.

All too lightly... Dr. Phil Van Neuter adds, "you know? You're right! That's the last crash in this TV studio! Oh! I'm so happy, Mulch. You want to watch the Addams Family?"

Mulch gutturally babbles more lightly.

Dr. Phil Van Neuter happily adds, "let's go watch then!"

The two of them head down a trapdoor for the Tales from The Vet set.

Rings of fire bizarrely miss them both.

And... Past all the smoke... The only thing clearly left in the lab now is a completely not burnt TV set.

Around then, a city block away...

A certain car is driving away.

From the back windows of the car... Saffron, Camilla, Gonzo, and Animal are seen.

Saffron has a arm around Animal. She's using her free hand to clink glasses with Gonzo.

Hints of daredevil helmets are between the seats of Gonzo's car. But, there are no hints of plaster casts.

Gonzo is in the driver seat of the car. Camilla is in the co-driver seat.

And... Across several city blocks... There's a ton of frustrated shouts, honking horns, pile ups of cars, and cannonball shaped dents in the road.

Around then, in the engine room on Serenity...

Simon and Kaylee are awkwardly standing there, in the doorway to the engine room.

Kaylee is nervously playing with her hands.

Simon asks, "what is the story then?"

And... Kaylee explains, "well... I almost went out with Bobo. He reminds me of Bester in a good way. But... And, I don't mean to be mean. But... Moderate sigh. He doesn't get out much, he hibernates, and I'd need to open a school for 26th Century Verse Wide Mechanics just to get him to understand what I do with my job."

More lightly... Simon concludes, "ahh. So that's why you almost did."

Kaylee adds, "yeah."

They both kind of nervously nod.

Simon concludes, "and yes: I understand all too well what you mean by the last part."

Kaylee figures, "yeah. I mean, there ain't a damn thing wrong with not being as intelligent as me. Bobo is a good friend. But, I ain't got time to open a school. I'm also more active. You know?"

Simon adds, "yes. I...I do."

And... He starts to reach out his hand toward her.

Kaylee looks slightly amused.

She starts to ask, "Simon? Faint chuckle. What are you...?"

Simon awkwardly admits, "I'm...trying to be more active."

Kaylee chuckles.

But... She puts her hand in his.

Kaylee says, "I think I know what you want to say. So..."

Simon takes some nervous breaths.

And... He says, "I...I want to go with you. I mean to say."

Kaylee smiles wide. She's blushing.

And... Kaylee says, "aw. Yes! Yes, Simon! I've been waiting so damn long for you to tell me. Of course I will go out with you!"

They both chuckle awkwardly.

They both smile wide.

They're standing close to each other...looking into each other's eyes.

Around then, in Statler and Waldorf's living room...

Statler and Waldorf nervously sigh.

Book asks, "well?"

His arms are crossed. But, he looks real amused.

Statler very reluctantly figures, "we... We liked this episode."

Waldorf very reluctantly adds, "you win."

Statler hands Book two million dollars from his wallet. Book takes it.

Book concludes, "you see what happens when you get too grumpy? Maybe you've learned a important lesson tonight."

Waldorf and Statler look open mouthed in shock.

But... After a bit... They both laugh hard, doubling over.

Waldorf says, "are you kidding, Derrial? There's revivals of the Muppets coming..."

He's pointing to the TV set as he does.

All too lightly... Statler adds, "...and more shows and movies we can look forward to being grumpy about."

Waldorf and Statler say, "yay!"

They both look all too excited.

Book frustratedly sighs into his hands.

And... Book murmurs under his breath, "you two are impossible."

Around then, inside a YMCA in California...

Interestingly... There's a bed, a framed picture of Johnny Fiama and Mama Fiama, and a short wood swing door in a corner by a community shower.

Johnny Fiama is smiling wide.

Johnny Fiama is looking out a window by the shower.

The light is dim. But, there are plenty of stars out in the night sky.

Johnny Fiama is thinking to himself:

_Yeah. Things sure are working out._

_I have a better understanding of my mama now, free room and board in exchange for putting on free stage shows for the guys, been changing my diet a little..._

_You know..._

_Chuckle!_

_I'm even starting to like these nightly work outs._

Then... A woman says, "are you ready for some late night relaxation, Johnny boy?"

She has long curly blond hair. She also wears a sleeveless red human sized swimsuit.

She's facing Johnny Fiama.

Johnny Fiama happily chuckles some.

Johnny Fiama figures, "with you and me? You just have to ask. I love you, Pamela."

And... Pamela A. grins happily.

Johnny Fiama smiles wide to her.

Pamela lightly hands a light green pair of Muppet sized swimwear to him. Johnny Fiama lightly takes the swimwear.

And... Pamela tells him, "I'm glad to hear you say that, Johnny. I love you too."

Around then, in the galley on Serenity...

The Serenity crew, Sal, and Mama Fiama are gathered around the table.

There's a large pot of spaghetti and pasta sauce in the center of the table. There's also bread rolls and salad bowls.

Mama Fiama dishes out spaghetti for everyone.

They're all smiling wide.

Mal concludes, "it looks real good, mother."

Mama Fiama concludes, "oh, thank you Mal-y! Enjoy!"

They all start eating.

Not long after...

Just about everyone is really full.

They groan a little. They're still smiling though.

Suddenly... Wash looks wide eyed in surprise.

He brings up, "Jayne... How can you keep eating?"

He also points over to Jayne.

Jayne is already eating another bowl of Mama Fiama's pasta.

Jayne looks up.

He slightly shrugs.

He says, "what? I'm hungry."

He smirks.

Everyone else lightly laughs and chuckles some.

Then... Jayne goes back to eating.

Mama Fiama thinks out loud, "hmm. Johnny has been acting strange before we reunited, Mal-y. He's been working out late every night. I hope he's all right."

Mal casually assumes, "no more so than me or Jayne."

Between eating... Jayne chuckles a little at that.

Most of the Serenity crew and Sal just shrug.

Mama Fiama concludes, "maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants to be as big a legend himself. There is the boxed set of DVDs of the Firefly show."

River grins. Everyone else smiles.

River knows the real reason Johnny Fiama has been working out late.

River is trying hard not to laugh over that part.

But... She also continues to happily grin.


	13. Epilogue, Part 2: Together Again in a New Verse

_Epilogue, Part 2_

Relatively a few months later, in the 26th century Verse of this universe...

Serenity is flying through the black of space.

From the cockpit... A Serenity styled scrapbook flips open in the co-pilot seat.

It flips open...to a page with pictures of wedding ceremonies in churches across the Verse.

In flashes... They're going from pictures to live action.

At the same time... The song He'll Make Me Happy from The Muppets Take Manhattan movie is playing.

On the planet Haven... A very amused looking River is standing there with Book's bible on Miss Piggy's insistence...for Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding made official outside of Muppets Take Manhattan.

A flash goes by of Kermit and Miss Piggy kissing.

On the planet Sihnon... Book is standing there with his bible for Inara and Mal's wedding.

A flash goes by of Inara and Mal kissing.

On the planet Osiris... Book is standing there with his bible for Kaylee and Simon's wedding.

A flash goes by of Kaylee putting her arms around Simon and kissing him.

On the planet Pelorum... Saffron is standing there with a bible for Spamela Hamderson and David Hoggselhoff...who insisted on still wearing their lifeguard outfits from Muppets Tonight.

A flash goes by of David Hoggselhoff putting his arms around Spamela and kissing her.

The song suddenly stops.

And... In the scrapbook... A picture comes up:

Of Saffron and Animal smiling and looking into each other's eyes.

In flashes... It goes from picture to live action.

The preacher for Saffron's and Animal's wedding ceremony has gotten to the "I dos".

Animal starts to say, "I d..."

Then... From the side of his line of vision... Animal sees a random woman walking by the ceremony.

Animal excitedly goes, "woman! Woman!"

He starts to charge after the random woman.

Saffron frustratedly calls out, "oh god!! I thought we rehearsed for this wedding! Animal darling? Ugh!! Animal, get back here!!"

The random woman is running and crying out for help.

Saffron is already running after Animal to take him down.

She's glaring. She's been blushing in embarrassment.

She's left her high heels behind to run faster after Animal.

And... Hundreds of people and Muppets at the wedding reception have been laughing hard at Saffron.

The next day, on Pelorum...

Saffron is lying down in a very dark blue and very light blue beach recliner.

She's wearing sunglasses. She nervously sighs to herself.

Then... Animal nervously asks, "Saffron?"

He's standing in front of Saffron now.

Saffron takes off her sunglasses. She puts them away.

She nervously sighs.

She nervously says, "aw Animal..."

Then... All too lightly... Saffron admits, "...I'm really not like most girls. I still love you. I was just really embarrassed yesterday. That's all."

She smiles very awkwardly.

Animal excitedly goes, "Saffron!"

He starts to charge after her.

Saffron chuckles.

Just as quick... She puts up a finger.

She also smiles wide.

Saffron concludes, "we're still dating. But... Does forgetting about getting married sound good to you?"

All too lightly... Animal tells her, "you animal. Saffron!"

Saffron laughs hard. Animal laughs.

They put their arms around each other.

Saffron says, "I love you too Animal. You're welcome."

And... They kiss.

The view is panning across the beachfront to more characters.

At the same time... The song Right Where I Belong from The Muppets Take Manhattan movie is playing.

Inara, Mal, River, Book, Jayne, Wash, Zoe, Simon, Kaylee, Miss Piggy, Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are all play fighting in the water and laughing.

Inara, River, Zoe, and Kaylee are wearing mostly purple swimsuits. Mal, Simon, Jayne, Wash, and Book are wearing mostly brown and gray swimwear. Miss Piggy is in a lavender and sky blue swimsuit. Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie are wearing their swimwear.

Clifford is lying down on a green and white striped beach towel with his sunglasses on. Sandra B. is lying down next to Clifford with her own sunglasses.

The two of them are having drinks and listening to songs from the Spice Girls on Clifford's boom box. They are having some laughs too though.

Spamela Hamdersen, Andy and Randy, and David Hoggselhoff are swimming around.

Soon... Michelle P. comes over to Saffron and Animal.

The three of them start excitedly talking.

Soon... Pepe and Rizzo get a call from Saffron on their cellular phones.

They have been using human sized binoculars to spy on Saffron and Animal.

From one end of the cellular phones... Saffron points out, "you really didn't think I'd know you're spying on me? You're lucky I'm more flattered. Laugh. And, yes: Me and Animal are still dating."

Rizzo is laughing hard at Pepe, doubling over.

Pepe looks all annoyed. But, he hands Rizzo a hundred dollars.

It turns out they made a bet on if Saffron would still be dating Animal or not. And, Pepe lost the bet.

Seymour and some Muppet elephants are swimming around.

Pamela A. is lying down on a mostly light blue beach recliner with her arm around Johnny Fiama. Sal is sitting by him.

The three of them are sharing past dates stories from before Johnny Fiama met Pamela A. But, there are some laughs.

Mama Fiamma is sitting in a beach chair just a few feet away from Johnny Fiama.

She's joyfully sewing red lined quilts for her sons. They're mostly already sewn.

One has on it Johnny, We Always Hear You. The other has on it Mal, Why Do You Have To Be Rude Sometimes?

Beaker and Paula A. are walking along the beach, holding hands.

Beaker is of course talking in me-me-mes. They're both laughing and talking away.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew is lying down in a mostly light blue recliner. Andie M. is lying down in a matching recliner next to him.

The two of them are sharing stories of their crazy adventures apart. But, they're both laughing and talking away.

And... Bobo is walking along the beach with Melinda C., holding hands.

She looks strikingly similar to Nandi from Firefly.

The two of them are telling each other their movie fantasies. They're both laughing some.

The view then cuts over to the sky of Pelorum.

Kathy appears in the sky in split screen.

She's looking down toward everyone else...smiling wide and waving.

Inara, River, Mal, Book, Kermit, Miss Piggy, and Gonzo smile back and wave to Kathy.

Then... They go back to play fighting in the water with Jayne, Wash, Zoe, Simon, Kaylee, and Fozzie.

And...

The view cuts over to Serenity...flying through the black of space.


	14. Special Feature 1: New Verse Musical Number with Miss Piggy

Special Feature/Music Video: Miss Piggy's Version of Friend Like Me

A few days after a certain day on the beach of Pelorum...

A Miss Piggy Statue of Liberty styled skyplex is flying through the Black of space.

Inside of Miss Piggy's Skyplex...

The walls are bright blue to very dark blue with plenty of icons of suns, crescent moons, rivers, and gold coins. Most of the rooms have stages, built-in spotlights, and lavender curtains.

There are galleries for diamonds in glass cases, piles of gold coins with Miss Piggy's face on them, and pictures of Kermit and Miss Piggy from their movies in glass cases. There are whole galleries for replicas of award trophies throughout history with Miss Piggy plastered over the actual names.

Miss Piggy's throne room has a throne and two even bigger piles of gold coins.

Miss Piggy is sitting on her throne.

She's wearing her Swinetrek outfit and a golden crown as Queen of the Verse.

Her throne is red barn door styled with gold cushions. A gold tray can deliver late night snacks directly in front of her throne with the press of a button on a remote control.

Queen Miss Piggy asks in concern, "what's wrong, King Kermie?"

Kermit wears a golden crown as King of the Verse.

He is looking down. He looks nervous.

After a bit... King Kermit looks up.

King Kermit thinks out loud, "well, Miss Piggy... Moderate sigh. Don't get me wrong. It's great we're living together in your own Skyplex. It's great we have whole galleries of pictures of us. But... Where are more things for me? Kermit the Frog?"

Queen Miss Piggy lightly laughs.

Queen Miss Piggy goes, "ohh. Is that all?"

King Kermit says, "yeah."

King Kermit also nods.

Queen Miss Piggy smiles wide.

She concludes, "well, Kermie... Why don't you sit down and watch...while I show you something special for you?"

More lightly... King Kermit adds, "all right. Great."

He smiles some.

He sits in front of the throne room's stage.

Queen Miss Piggy goes up on the throne room's stage.

She calls out, "turn on the music, boys!"

Andy and Randy charge for the speaker boxes.

Queen Miss Piggy makes a scrunched up face at them.

She calls out loudly, "just press the side button for my musical number!"

Cluelessly... Andy and Randy quickly say, "ooh! English."

Queen Miss Piggy and King Kermit each frustratedly sigh into their hand.

But... Andy and Randy soon press the side button.

The spotlights come on.

Queen Miss Piggy and King Kermit are looking up.

And... Queen Miss Piggy starts to sing her own version of Friend like Me originally sung by Robin Williams.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "well, Saffron had forty or more plans to thieve... Niska got a thousand tales... But, dear, you're in luck... Because up your sleeves... Moi's brand of magic never fails...!"

Forty pig actors with masks of Saffron and Niska are up on stage.

Then... Queen Miss Piggy quickly punches them all off.

The pig actors all fall down on stage.

They all groan hard some.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "you have lovely power in your corner now... Some heavy dynamite in your camp... You got punch, donuts, wow and how... All you gotta do is rub that...phone. And, I'll tell you... Mister Kermie Sir, what will your pleasure be?"

Andy and Randy press some very basic arrow buttons back stage.

Cartoon slides go by on stage: From sticks of dynamite to chocolate donuts.

Then... Andy and Randy go, "ooh! Donuts."

They both start to charge for the cartoon slide of the donuts.

Queen Miss Piggy calls out, "Knight River?! Some help here!"

River is already standing in front of the cartoon slide.

She's wearing a shiny medieval suit of armor without the helmet.

Andy and Randy see their reflection in the armor.

They both sigh in disappointment.

Andy goes, "aw!" Randy asks, "where did the donuts go?"

River giggles.

She smiles toward Queen Miss Piggy and King Kermit. They smile back.

Queen Miss Piggy lightly adds, "oh thank you, River."

River adds, "you're welcome."

River insists to Andy and Randy, "later!"

Andy and Randy reluctantly say, "okay."

They slightly frown.

River, Andy, and Randy walk off stage.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "let me take your order, jot it down... You never had got a wife like me. No no no... Life is your restaurant...because I own all the best now! Ha ha! C'mon, don't whisper too quietly what you want. You never had got a wife like me!"

She uses a megaphone to sing more loudly on the last part.

Then... Kermit takes out earplugs he recently got.

He gives them back to River.

River winks knowingly to King Kermit.

King Kermit smirks to her. River smiles.

Then... River heads backstage.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "yes Kermie, I pride myself on service... I'm your boss, the queen, the loveliest good witch! Say what you wish... It's likely yours! True dish... How about a little more deep dish-h-h?"

Suddenly... Pepe and Seymour come in.

They're rolling in fast a stage sized deep dish pizza on a wheeled plank.

Seymour calls out, "oh no: We're gonna crash!" Pepe adds, "no, no...!"

And... They speed crash land into another room.

There's a big splat sound from the deep dish pizza.

Seymour calls back, "we're okay!" Pepe adds, "but the pizza is grounded, okay?"

King Kermit murmurs, "good grief."

Queen Miss Piggy nervously laughs.

Then... Queen Miss Piggy sings, "give me your column A, and you can have all of column B. I'm in the mood to give what I can, Kermie. You never had got a wife like me!"

She pulls out two plush pillar columns on the first part.

She tosses King Kermit the B plush pillar column. King Kermit catches it.

They both lightly laugh.

Suddenly... River is back on stage dancing and singing.

She's back in her clothes. She doesn't have the medieval suit of armor on now.

She sings, "did you hear...? Did you hear...?"

Queen Miss Piggy pretends to gasp.

She sings, "oh, my!"

River sings, "did you hear...? Did you hear...?"

Queen Miss Piggy says, "no, no!"

River sings, "don't worry... We still got it...! Got it!"

Queen Miss Piggy says, "ah ha! We still got them. Hi-yah!"

Pig actors with Niska and Saffron masks on are back on stage.

But... River and Miss Piggy start to high kick and punch them off into red cushioned walls.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "can your friends do this? Can your friends do that? Can your friends pull this out of their top hats? Can your friends go whoo whoo...!"

River spin throws Miss Piggy toward some pig actors with Badger masks on.

She run kicks off of all of those pig actors.

They all groan hard some on the stage.

Queen Miss Piggy says, "well, looky here."

Queen Miss Piggy and River smile wide to each other.

River waves goodbye to Queen Miss Piggy and King Kermit. They wave back.

And... River leaves the throne room.

Miss Piggy sings, "can your friends go abracadabra, let 'er rip... And, then make those suckers disappear?"

She snaps her fingers.

And... A smokescreen comes all around on stage.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "don't you sit there open mouthed, buggy eyed..."

Kermit somewhat lightly points out, "but I'm a frog!"

Queen Miss Piggy apologizes, "oh. Sorry. I'll get my song parody writer on that."

Kermit smiles some at that.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "see? I'm here to answer all your prayers. We got a bona fide marriage certified... You got moi, a I Dream of Jeanie of your own! I always get a powerful urge to say kissy kissy..."

She blows a kiss to King Kermit.

King Kermit blushes some at that.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "so what-cha wish? I'd love to know..."

Queen Miss Piggy warns, "well, if it doesn't get in my way...! Don't you already know, my sweet frog?"

King Kermit gulps nervously on the first part.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "my lists are a planet long, no doubt... But, all you gotta do is rub... Ah ha! I mean, call my phone like so... And, oh yes-s-s!"

She lets a long shopping list loose with one hand. It goes on and on across several galleries.

Queen Miss Piggy smiles wide.

Queen Miss Piggy sings, "Mister Kermie Sir, have a wish or two or three... I'm always for you, you kinder big host..."

King Kermit smirks wide.

Queen Miss Piggy somewhat sternly warns, "so don't tell on me!"

King Kermit awkwardly says, "yeah well... I think your secret is safe as it can get."

Queen Miss Piggy calls out, "and no one puts me on a roast or kabob!"

King Kermit awkwardly says, "well, no one wants that."

They both awkwardly smile.

Queen Miss Piggy finishes singing, "you never had got a wife like, never got a wife like... You never had got a wife like, never got a wife like... You never had got...ever...had got a wife...like me! You never had got a wife like me!"

Queen Miss Piggy is also tap dancing like crazy on stage.

Then... She makes a Olympic victory pose.

Fireworks go off on stage.

And... King Kermit is clapping loudly.

He lightly calls out, "that was wonderful, Miss Piggy!"

Queen Miss Piggy giggles.

She takes a bow.

And... They smile wide to each other.


	15. Special Feature 2: In-Character Outtakes Reel

Special Feature/Featurette: In-Character Outtakes Reel

When Animal comes rushing in down the hall...

Inara suddenly is seen standing by Saffron.

Animal excitedly says, "woman! Woman!"

Inara comments, "if Saffron is a woman, what does that make me?"

She crosses her arms.

She also slightly glares toward Animal.

Completely unphased... Animal replies, "you not Morena. Morena! Morena!"

Most everyone including Saffron laughs hard.

Inara annoyedly rolls her eyes.

She thinks out loud, "ugh! Saffron gets to lie back on a beach with several boy Muppets in this show, and I have to lead up to getting Mal to go out with me with two musical numbers: It's really not fair!"

Saffron keeps laughing hard.

* * *

From who knows when, in a corridor on Niska's central flying Skyplex...

Mal and Inara are standing there.

They're both smiling.

And... Mal is singing, "I'm a man...!"

Inara is singing, "I'm a Muppet...!"

Mal sings, "I'm a very manly Muppet..."

Inara sings, "I'm a Muppet of a...!"

Suddenly... Inara goes wide eyed in shock for a bit.

She looks amused toward Mal. Yet, she's not singing now.

Inara lightly says, "oh no, Mal: I see what you're trying to make me say."

Mal laughs hard.

Mal lightly urges, "come on: Say it! Say it!"

Inara lightly calls back, "no!"

They both laugh hard some.

After a bit... Inara suggests, "well... If you say you're a woman first? Then we'll..."

Mal laughs hard, doubling over.

Inara looks really amused.

Mal continues laughing hard.

He's also leaning against the wall.

Inara asks, "are you okay, Mal?"

After a bit... Mal straightens back up.

He's catching his breath.

Mal adds, "yeah..."

Inara adds, "that's good."

They both laugh hard some more.

* * *

In the beginning of the episode's Bay of Pigswatch sketch...

Miss Piggy says, "well... We'll just see about that, Miss London Brisket!"

Saffron is laughing.

Miss Piggy somewhat nervously asks, "what? What did I say?"

Saffron appears on screen by Miss Piggy.

Saffron looks amused.

And... Saffron says, "well... If you wanted a girl's night? I like brisket."

Miss Piggy looks wide eyed in surprise.

She thinks out loud, "huh. Usually people bring up pork and not cow to laugh at me. I don't know what to say to that."

Saffron laughs hard, doubling over.

Miss Piggy comments, "you're pretty proud of yourself. Aren't you?"

Saffron lightly goes, "yes! I stumped you! I stumped you!"

Miss Piggy warningly grrs.

She also has her hands on her hips with her arms out.

Saffron is quick to apologize, "sorry. Want a girl's night to make up for it?"

They both smile some.

Miss Piggy lightly says, "oh thank you. Pizza with mushrooms?"

Saffron says, "I'll order my own and avoid the pork."

Miss Piggy adds, "aw."

Suddenly... Miss Piggy realizes, "wait: You're trying to weasel your way in and make me miss my sketch on Pigswatch!"

She points a accusing finger at Saffron.

Miss Piggy also slightly glares.

Suddenly... Saffron blushes a little in embarrassment.

And... Saffron awkwardly says, "umm... Well... I think we both missed out on Pigswatch. My bad watch."

They both laugh hard some on that.

* * *

Not long after Rizzo tells Clifford about a certain fight in the main hall...

All too lightly... Rizzo suggests, "yeah, well... Ha ha! See for yourself chief."

He leads Clifford to the main hall.

Clifford realizes, "wait a minute: Where is Christina?!"

He looks wide eyed in shock.

Andy, Randy, Pepe, Seymour, Sweetums, and Doglion are gathered around by Clifford and Rizzo.

Miss Piggy is further out down the hall.

She's peeking around the corner turn of the hall.

Miss Piggy looks wide eyed in shock.

She kind of loudly calls out, "ohh!!"

From around the corner turn of the hall... Animal says, "sorry!"

From around the corner turn of the hall... Saffron happily laughs.

Clifford, Pepe, and Rizzo peek around the corner turn of the hall.

They all look wide eyed in shock.

All too lightly... Saffron concludes, "aw Animal. It's all right. I love getting in touch with our inner animals."

Animal and Saffron happily laugh.

Rizzo is laughing hard, falling over on the main hall floor.

Clifford, Miss Piggy, and Pepe leave in a hurry.

* * *

Around when Miss Piggy is charging after Clifford...

With some mixed feelings... Kermit figures, "well... Nervous laugh. Miss Piggy's Hop-Along Insurance is like working in Hollywood. You can come in with all kinds of casting, and you'll live like a star from the comfort of your bed. You wouldn't believe how big of a hit it is: A lot of fans of Miss Piggy make passes at her just to get in."

Inara is trying hard not to laugh on the last part.

Inara adds, "those aren't really fans..."

Inara laughs hard, doubling over.

Kermit nervously asks, "was it something I said?"

He also is turning toward Inara.

Inara is just catching her breath.

With mixed feelings... Inara mostly assures, "I'm sorry Kermit. What I've...I've been laughing about? It's something completely different."

More lightly... Kermit says, "oh? How so?"

Inara admits, "I...I just thought this show was supposed to be for all ages..."

Inara laughs hard.

Kermit looks quite amused now.

Kermit points out, "well, Muppets Tonight is PG. What show have you been watching?"

He makes a excited face.

Inara laughs hard, doubling over.

* * *

Not long before River meets Miss Piggy...

River and Kermit are in the main hall...catching flies fast with their tongues.

Simon incredulously calls out, "what are you...?! River!!"

Simon has just come into the main hall.

River brings up, "Simon? Didn't think I didn't like swallowing bugs?"

She looks quite amused.

Somewhat cluelessly... Kermit figures, "for not being a frog? She's surprisingly very good at it."

Simon makes a nauseous face.

He runs to the nearest bathroom to throw up.

River laughs hard, doubling over.

Kermit nervously asks, "what? Did I say something wrong?"

River tries to assure, "no, no. You're good. She just...just grossed him out of his brainpan."

Kermit says, "oh."

Suddenly... Kermit looks concerned.

Kermit worriedly calls out, "will someone please catch Simon's brainpan then?!"

River laughs hard again, doubling over.

Before Kermit can hear her laughing... He hears someone else.

From off screen... Wash jokingly says, "too late! Oh, the horror! It grew into another Simon!"

Zoe, Inara, and Mal laugh hard in the halls, doubling over.

Kermit makes a annoyed face toward Wash.

He's now seen in the halls.

But... Wash just looks very happy with himself.

Zoe, Inara, Mal, and River continue laughing hard.


End file.
